We need some Humor!!!

[jchuzi]

No matter how stupid you feel, remember that Little Red Riding Hood couldn't figure out that a talking wolf in drag wasn't her grandmother.

[jchuzi]

I have a few jokes about unemployed people ….. but none of them work.

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
 
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?"

The other says, "I'm a big metal fan.

 "Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu - you get what you deserve.

 I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, ….but couldn't find any.

 What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybe.

 I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

 Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.

 I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, …..but then I changed my mind.

 I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: That's the last thing I need!

 Sleeping comes so naturally to me. I could do it with my eyes closed.

 What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus.

 You're not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.

 I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I'm okay.

 Don't spell PART backwards. It's a trap.

 What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus. Switzerland

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

 To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero. Thanks for nothing!

 Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" … Dad: "No sun.”

[jchuzi]

Murphy’s Other Laws


1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
 
 3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
 
 4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
 
 5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 
 6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
 
 7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
 
 8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

 9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from LA would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
 
 10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
 
 11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
 
 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
 
 13. Flashlight:  A case for holding dead batteries.
 
 14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.
 
 15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[Frances144]

There is truth in all of those ^^^

[jchuzi]

I think that my wife has started to show the first signs of dementia. She says she can't remember what she ever saw in me. 

[Xairbusdriver]

Flying is a serious business! Lots of training/testing/check rides/reports/physicals every six months, etc. etc. Any of those things can mean you've just flown your last trip... ever! 😱👎

Here is just one example of how serious things can be: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tGYN9EY7Kf0

[jchuzi]

Here's a holiday-related story:

Mikhail Gorbachev had younger brother, Rudolph, who was a dedicated Communist. Rudolph was bemoaning the demise of the Soviet Union when he looked out the window of his Moscow apartment and said to his wife, "Is raining." She replied, "Is snowing." He reiterated, "Is raining!" Not to be deterred, she said, "Is snowing!"

Exasperated, Rudolph declared, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

[krissel]

Thanks Jon, that brought back a lot of memories and proves some humor can be timeless.


I used to tell a similar version of that pun to my students about 50 years ago.     

[jchuzi]

Here's another one:

A chess competition was held at a hotel. After the matches were concluded at the end of the day, the players gathered in the lobby. They loudly bragged about their great strategies and moves until the noise became so loud that the management had to intervene. The manager said, "I'm tired of all you chess nuts boasting in an open foyer".

[Xairbusdriver]

I'm having serious thoughts about shutting down these foriforumzfora! I was sure that TS would have come under the wrath from our nedlog redael by now, I can only assume his redaction ink has been deleted! I strongly suggest that we all remove/redact(?) any contact info we have that connects us to TS.

Especially if Jon publishes any more disastrously bad puns!!!

[jchuzi]

The term "bad puns" is repetitiously redundant. We need to rate puns on the Groaner Scale.

[Xairbusdriver]

"We need to rate puns on the Groaner Scale."

You mean the one that goes from -∞ to -1?