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Author Topic: We need some Humor!!!  (Read 471427 times)

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Horrible Truck Wreck!!!
« Reply #1665 on: July 16, 2024, 08:31:48 AM »
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed as it left a New York publishing house last Thursday.

According to the Associated Press, witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, punchy, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, boggled, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, and perplexed.

as reported by my wife and Reddit
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1666 on: July 16, 2024, 10:04:03 AM »
I thought that the thesaurus became extinct 60 million years ago.
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Jon

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Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1667 on: August 14, 2024, 07:00:34 AM »
My Dad showed me a 30 minute powerpoint presentation on why one should always wear a condom during sex.

All the slides were just of me.
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Jon

macOS 11.7.10, iMac Retina 5K 27-inch, late 2014, 3.5 GHz Intel Core i5, 1 TB fusion drive, 16 GB RAM, Epson SureColor P700, Photoshop CC, Lightroom CC, MS Office 365

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1668 on: October 16, 2024, 09:15:45 AM »
I swear this is NOT political and it's certainly not democratic!! And I have no problem if you want to fact-check me!

Did you hear about the dictator who was only 12 inches tall? He only lasted 1 day, so you could have missed his activities, anyway...
He was a terrible king!
But he was a great ruler.
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1669 on: October 16, 2024, 02:34:14 PM »
I have had a terrible day. I tried to button my shirt and the button came off in my hand. I went to open a door and the knob came off in my hand. I tried to open the car door and the handle came off in my hand.

Now, I'm afraid to pee.   :tears:
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Jon

macOS 11.7.10, iMac Retina 5K 27-inch, late 2014, 3.5 GHz Intel Core i5, 1 TB fusion drive, 16 GB RAM, Epson SureColor P700, Photoshop CC, Lightroom CC, MS Office 365

Offline krissel

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1670 on: October 17, 2024, 01:58:54 AM »
 :rofl:



I'm not.  :toothgrin:
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Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1671 on: January 14, 2025, 07:46:58 AM »
Groaners for Groanups:


I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillianaire.
 
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Now that's humorous.
 
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.

I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, "That lizard is really funny!" He replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand-up chameleon.”

I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought I nailed it but nobody saw it.

The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can only hummus one.

Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court... it was a brief case.

Ran out of toilet paper, now using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, and tomorrow romaines to be seen.

My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's right...Jack and the beans talk.

I want to tell you about a girl who only eats plants. You probably have not heard of herbivore.

I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it struck me.

Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker. That's right. The steaks were pretty high.
 
I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work.
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Jon

macOS 11.7.10, iMac Retina 5K 27-inch, late 2014, 3.5 GHz Intel Core i5, 1 TB fusion drive, 16 GB RAM, Epson SureColor P700, Photoshop CC, Lightroom CC, MS Office 365

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1672 on: January 14, 2025, 10:31:22 AM »
I got an email with the "groaners" from Jon in it. Apparently, I need to update my SPAM filterz! :whistling: :coolio: :wallbash:
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline krissel

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1673 on: Today at 01:08:00 AM »
 :clap:


Thanks, Jon!  I needed that.   :toothgrin:
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