Post by: jepinto on August 19, 2003, 03:08:57 AM
At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
******************************************
Send someone over quickly!" the woman screamed into the phone. "Two naked bikers are climbing up toward my bedroom window!
"This is the Fire Department, lady," the voice replied. "I'll have to transfer you to the Police Department."
"No, it's YOU I want!" she yelled. "They need a longer ladder!"
Post by: ljocampo on August 19, 2003, 04:13:05 AM
Post by: dakota on August 19, 2003, 02:03:27 PM
>>>Classes for men at our local Learning Center for Adults - Sign-up
by May
>>>21st
>>>NOTE: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their
content,
each
>>>course will accept a maximum of 8 participants.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 1
>>>HOW TO FILL UP THE ICE CUBE TRAYS
>>>Step by step, with slide presentation.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 2
>>>THE TOILET PAPER ROLL: DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
>>>Round table discussion.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 3
>>>IS IT POSSIBLE TO URINATE USING THE TECHNIQUE OF LIFTING THE SEAT
UP AND
>>>AVOIDING THE FLOOR/WALLS AND NEARBY BATHTUB? Group Practice.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 4
>>>FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE LAUNDRY HAMPER AND THE FLOOR.
>>>Pictures and explanatory graphics.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 5
>>>THE AFTER-DINNER DISHES AND SILVERWARE: CAN THEY LEVITATE AND FLY
INTO
>>>THE KITCHEN SINK? Examples on Video.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 6
>>>LOSS OF IDENTITY: LOSING THE REMOTE OR ALLOWING OTHERS TO USE
IT.
Help
>>>line support and support groups.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 7
>>>LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS, STARTING WITH LOOKING IN THE RIGHT
PLACE
>>>INSTEAD OF TURNING THE HOUSE UPSIDE DOWN WHILE SCREAMING.
>>>
>>>
>>>Open forum.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 8
>>>HEALTH WATCH: BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH.
>>>Graphics and audio tape.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 9
>>>REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST.
>>>Real life testimonials.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 10
>>>IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL
PARKS?
>>>Driving simulation.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 11
>>>LEARNING TO LIVE: BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LIVING ALONE OR WITH
OTHERS.
>>>Online classes and role playing.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 12
>>>HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION.
>>>Relaxation, exercises, meditation and breathing techniques.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 13
>>>HOW TO FIGHT CEREBRAL ATROPHY: REMEMBERING BIRTHDAYS,
ANNIVERSARIES,
>>>OTHER IMPORTANT DATES AND CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE.
>>>
>>>
>>>Cerebral shock therapy sessions and full lobotomies offered.
>>>
>>>
>>>TOPIC 14
>>>CAR KEYS AND OTHER ITEMS:
>>>Practice on developing skills of putting things back where they
belong
>>>so that they can be easily found.
>>>
>>>
>>>Upon completion of the course, diplomas will be issued to any
survivors.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>BUMPERS STICKERS FOR LADIES --
>>>
>>>
>>>BEHIND EVERY SUCCESSFUL WOMAN IS HERSELF
>>>
>>>OH MY GOD, I THINK I'M BECOMING THE MAN I WANTED TO MARRY!
>>>
>>>GINGER ROGERS DID EVERYTHING FRED ASTAIRE DID, BUT SHE DID IT
BACKWARDS
>>>AND IN HIGH HEELS
>>>
>>>A WOMAN IS LIKE A TEA BAG...YOU DON'T KNOW HOW STRONG SHE IS
UNTIL
YOU
>>>PUT HER IN HOT WATER
>>>
>>>I HAVE YET TO HEAR A MAN ASK FOR ADVICE ON HOW TO COMBINE
MARRIAGE
AND A
>>>CAREER
>>>
>>>SO MANY MEN, SO FEW WHO CAN AFFORD ME
>>>
>>>COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN ... SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER RICH
>>>
>>>DON'T TREAT ME ANY DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU WOULD THE QUEEN
>>>
>>>I'M OUT OF ESTROGEN AND I HAVE A GUN
>>>
>>>WARNING: I HAVE AN ATTITUDE AND I KNOW HOW TO USE IT
>>>
>>>OF COURSE I DON'T LOOK BUSY...I DID IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME
>>>
>>>DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN
>>>
>>>ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE
>>>
>>>I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE
>>>
>>>HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?
>>>
>>>DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES
>>>
>>>And last but not least:
>>>
>>>IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
Post by: RHPConsult on August 19, 2003, 06:25:41 PM
Would be a bit more amusing if you had stripped the >>>>> before copying into TS
Not too complex a task!
Post by: dakota on August 19, 2003, 06:53:18 PM
Post by: krissel on August 19, 2003, 10:17:12 PM
I use CopyPaste for that task. You just highlight the items and when you copy you select the "uncomment" from the internet choices in the floating window and it copies the text to the clipboard with all the <<<'s stripped off.
Post by: AmicusE on August 20, 2003, 05:47:11 AM
Thanks/æ
Post by: dakota on August 20, 2003, 03:56:34 PM
Post by: krissel on August 20, 2003, 11:13:53 PM
After highlighting what you want to uncomment, go to the floating pop-open icon for CopyPaste and put the cursor over it. When it opens, down in the bottom strip you will see all the little icons for various chores. Click on the @ symbol and you will see the following choices, among them "Email uncomment" (see first image).
Choose it and the text will be copied to the clipboard without the <<<'s as you see in the second image. Then just paste where you wish.
CopyPaste Uncomment selection
Clear text on clipboard ready to paste
Alternatively you would have to go to Edit/CopyPaste Utilities/Internet/email uncomment from the menu bar. Of course you have to have selected in the CP prefs to have the utilities added to the end of the Edit menu in the first place.
This is in 9.1 where I do most of my work. I haven't checked the X version to see if it is in the same place (I'd have to dig out and set up my PB to check, maybe tmrw...or if someone else is running the X version of CopyPaste they can check it for me...
)Hope this is clear.
Post by: dakota on August 20, 2003, 11:58:11 PM
Post by: krissel on August 21, 2003, 12:31:42 AM
I just went to the software site to look around and I noticed on this page a comparison of the various flavors of the app. It looks as though the X version may not have the ability to uncomment text. I will have to check tmrw when I set up my PB.
Scriptsoftware/CopyPaste
Quite frankly I like the old archive utility in the OS 9 version better than the method now used in the X version but that is off the subject...
Post by: Highmac on August 21, 2003, 12:51:33 AM
To get back on topic.....
---------------------
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near-death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this
was it. God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a facelift, liposuction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it.
She got out of the hospital after the last operation, and while crossing the street, she was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years?"
God replied, "I didn't recognise you."
-----------------------------
And if you like anagrams, you'll love these specially clever ones (and, no, I'm not claiming credit for them)
Dormitory = Dirty Room
Evangelist = Evil's Agent
Desperation = A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code = Here Come Dots
Slot Machines = Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity = Is No Amity
Mother-in-law = Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms = Alas! No More Z's
Semolina = Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries = Large Picture Halls I Bet
A Decimal Point = I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes = That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two = Twelve plus one
Contradiction = Accord not in it
Take particular note of the penultimate one - it's even more special, but I'm not saying what yet
Post by: AmicusE on August 21, 2003, 05:35:44 AM
-I can't seem to make copypaste work with the OSX.2.6 version and didn't realize you're talking about a version for OS9.
-if it helps the thread, consider my time spent on this thing a joke.
All the best/æ
Post by: Gregg on August 21, 2003, 07:48:33 AM
I'm not sure if it was updated for OSX.
Post by: weldiger on August 21, 2003, 08:49:19 AM
Have you tried?
1. copy - paste from email to word processor;
2. then use find to get >,
3. then replace with blank;
4. then click change all.
WordPerfect works best, but M$ Word, and AppleWorks. Also works on Symantec GreatWorks.
HTH
Post by: kelly on August 21, 2003, 08:51:02 AM
Post by: weldiger on August 21, 2003, 09:12:37 AM
I've been havin' a ruff time gettin time ter do the thangs I really wants ter.
But thanx gudnes, I ain't a havin ter serve time.
wd
Post by: pendragon on August 21, 2003, 09:15:02 AM
Harv
Post by: sandbox on August 22, 2003, 12:21:32 AM
Paste in Outlook Express and Highlight, under Edit Menu, Auto Cleanup, Remove Quotings
.......
Classes for men at our local Learning Center for Adults - Sign-up
by May
21st
NOTE: Due to the complexity and difficulty level of their
content,
each
course will accept a maximum of 8 participants.
................
......
ALL STRESSED OUT AND NO ONE TO CHOKE
I CAN BE ONE OF THOSE BAD THINGS THAT HAPPENS TO BAD PEOPLE
HOW CAN I MISS YOU IF YOU WON'T GO AWAY?
DON'T UPSET ME! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES
And last but not least:
IF YOU WANT BREAKFAST IN BED, SLEEP IN THE KITCHEN
Post by: dakota on August 22, 2003, 12:51:54 AM
Post by: RHPConsult on August 22, 2003, 01:11:21 AM
At one time it was freeware from a defunct hardware company (whose name escapes me at the moment) then it was reacquired by its author, who repeatedly promised, but did not deliver, updates.
Sad, too, because it had a variety of features and worked flawlessly, in my experience, from SpellChecking to cleaning internet transmissions.
Something else that works well is TextExpresso. moderately priced shareware that has so many features 1) I can't easily list them all and 2) I've yet to use/exploit them all.
Sometimes it's a tad squrrely, but overall very handy to have around
TextSpresso™ 2.1.1 by Taylor Design.
Copyright © 1998-2002 Taylor Design. All Rights Reserved.
Web: http://www.taylor-design.com/
E-mail: support@taylor-design.com
Post by: Gregg on August 22, 2003, 07:41:06 AM
>>>>great jokes
>>>>made my day
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Post by: jepinto on August 22, 2003, 08:38:34 PM
Find (>>) and Replace ( ), tick the check box "Start at Top" and click Replace All.
Another feature I really, reallly, reaaallly like is "Remove Line Breaks" under the Text menu. Email tends to break messages up at stranger intervals than the board software, so it helps to not have all those strange breaks on the board.
Copy the email message, paste into a new BBEL window, do the Find, then do the Remove and clean message!