Techsurvivors
Archives => 2003 => Topic started by: Highmac on March 07, 2003, 02:16:00 PM
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... but they'll probably offend somebody!
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A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary hospital. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry. Polly has passed away".
The distressed owner wailed, "Are you sure? I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a beautiful black Labrador. As the bird's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet led the dog out, but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but, like I said, your parrot is most definitely, 100%, certifiably ... dead." He turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill which he handed to the woman.
The parrot's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried.
"$150 just to tell me my bird is dead?!"
The vet shrugged. "If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would only have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan ... What did you expect?
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What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Kokey" died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into thecoffin.
They put his left leg in......... and then the trouble started.
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When does Saddam Hussein have his breakfast?
When Tariq Aziz.
[ 03-07-2003, 03:26 PM: Message edited by: Highmac ]
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Wonderful
Wonderful
Etc., Etc.
Bob K.
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The cat
A couple was going out for the evening.
They'd gotten ready, all dolled up,
cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives,
and as the couple start out, the cat
shoots back in the house. They don't
want the cat shut in the house, so
the wife goes out to the taxi while the
husband goes upstairs to chase the
cat out. The wife, not wanting it known
that the house will be empty explains
to the taxi driver "He's just going upstairs
to say good-bye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into
the cab. "Sorry I took so long" he says,
"Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed
and I had to poke her with a coat hanger
to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap
her in a blanket to keep her from
scratching
me as I hauled her butt downstairs and
tossed her in the back yard !!"
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Focus, Focus, Focus
About 20 seconds then follow instructions
FOCUS
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ROFLMAO...Diana...good one! LOL!
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A guy walks into a bar with a set of jumper cables around his neck. He asks the bartender if he can get a beer. The bartender says," I guess so, but I don't want you startin' anything in here".
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quote:
Originally posted by sluggo:
but I don't want you startin' anything in here".
giggle*