All right now, boys and girls, let's settle down.
This here was a serious question!
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Y'know what I'd do, SB?. Get yourself down to a "good" (and BIG) Kinko's and ask the Manager for some realtime experience stats.
Our local Kinko's is filled with the latest and greatest (only thing missing is a good attitude!). Those machines do
everything you can imagine, and at light speed.
Then you could effectively narrow down what you're looking for. Better than an antiseptic Xerox showroom, I would guess.