Weekend yokes

[Gary S]

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says, "Slim, I'm 93 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains.  I know you're about my age.  How do you feel?"
 
 Slim says, "Hell, I feel just like a new-born baby."

 "Really!?  Like a baby!?"

 "Yep.  No hair, no teeth, and I think I just soiled my pants."

[Bernie]

Herbal Remedy
 


At a health food store a man asked for an all-around herbal combination.
The owner recommended one he said he'd sold for over sixty years.

Dubious, the fellow takes the bottle to the cashier, a really stunning young
blonde. As he was paying, he asked, "Has your boss really been selling this
stuff for sixty years? He looks to be a lot younger than I am."

"Can't really say, sir," replied the blonde. "I've only been with him for
about forty five years now."



 
 

[Bill]

Hey no 'groan'

[RHPConsult]

How 'bout something different?

I know that tryng to trump the photos Bill produces here is an impossible task. But, here's a shot I made of "Roadside Curiosities" in SE Ohio . . . near a wide spot in the road called Morgan Run.

One of the few local residents, it would appear, has a sense of humor.

Here

[Bill]

Don't even think that basketball player yoe (sp) could reach that one RHP!

[jepinto]

NEVER tick a woman off....
 
A wife came home just in time to find her husband in bed with another woman.

With super-human strength borne of fury, she dragged him down the stairs, out the back door, and into the tool shed in the back yard and put his nether part in a vice. She then secured it tightly and removed the handle.

Next she picked up a hacksaw. The husband was terrified, and screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to cut it off, are you?"

The wife, with a gleam of revenge in her eye, put the saw in her husband's hand and said, "Nope. I'm going to set the shed on fire. You do whatever you have to".

[Highmac]

A UK comedian by the name of Bob Monkhouse says he is now of an age that when he bends down to tie his shoelaces, he tries to think if there's "anything else I need to do while I'm down here..."

[jepinto]

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place. When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend. One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah!  Hell is full!"

Thanks, Mom!