A sort of "repeat" of another time...

[Dreambird]

I remember, I came in here and told you when my Toy Manchester Terrier, Spencer had to be put down due to cancer... this is not something I ever cared to repeat in any way... but nature being what it is and life-spans being what they are... The little Miniature Pinscher , Fidget that I got shortly after Spencer's passing, just passed away on July 30, 2015. Spencer passed in later July too and my Doberman, Sonja before him in May of 1991... seems that's a treacherous time of year for some reason.

Fidget's passing was so completely sudden and unexpected, he'd been extremely ill for a few days but he had acted OK up until then. His last night however was so filled with pain, it tears me up... I never suspected he had anything more than an attack of pancreatitis. I know how very painful and nauseating that can be from people who have described it. All I could do so far as I knew was watch him all night long... in the morning he had an appointment with his Vet. who could not put a finger on anything either, even after questioning me thoroughly about everything he could think of. So he wanted to do a major blood panel and radiology. I concurred... as the Vet left the room to prepare... Fidget who had not moved a muscle at all until then... turned his head just enough so his eyes could look me in the eye and made the effort to offer me his paw... I just kept taking it and stroking him and telling him not to be scared. That seemed to settle him.

So the Vet said it would be about an hour and I went next door to the supermarket for a few things and returned about right on an hour later. The Animal Tech directed me to room 1... I expected the Vet to come in and tell me some things I didn't want to hear... obviously Fidget was very sick... but I never thought he would die. I expected several days of hospitalization, IV, antibiotics etc. and then he would come bouncing home. Well the Vet stood silent for a few seconds and then said "Fidget passed away." I felt like a freight train hit me... we talked about what his tests indicated. What that was essentially a little dog system in failure. All his major organs... heart, liver, lungs, kidneys etc were nearing complete failure and his back... his bone structure was also very bad... fragile.

Who would have thought...
Up until around the 28th... he was bouncing off the ceiling still.
I just wanted to tell some people I kind of know... I'm also on a Grief Support forum for pets right now... it helps.
I will get another puppy when the right one comes along... living alone it's so important to me for the companionship. There are some big pawprints to fill after Fidget however, he really took such good care of me... and for that I am eternally grateful and I adored him.

Thanks for listening...  

[gunug]

I'm sorry to hear about this; he looks like a fine dog!  I haven't had a dog since I was a boy but I'm working around to the idea of getting one again!

[Jack W]

Dreambird,

So sorry to hear about your loss.

My sincerest condolances, I know how it feels to lose a very special pet.

May you rest in peace, Fidget.

Jack

[Frances144]

I feel for you so much.  I completely understand and I hope you can get your head around what has happened.

Fidget was loved.  So many animals can never have this but he had the best care, love and attention.   You did good.  Very good.

Take care, my friend.  You will never stop loving Fidget but somehow the pain will stop hurting quite so much, which is little consolation when your heart physically aches.

Feel free to pm me if it helps or you want an ear to listen to you.  

For me, my BeAnne is my everything - I dread the day and, like you, know it is inevitable but you did your best and that is a really good thing.

xxx  RIP Fidget xxx Your Mom loved you xxx

[Dreambird]

Thank you all so much for your thoughts and wishes... please believe me... they do mean a lot to me. In some ways this board is still a sort of home... I know I'm among friends here even if we don't always agree on everything.

This was a very hard, painful evening... I finished cleaning out Fidget's room and all I feel is empty and alone. I grieved for the passing of all my pets and they were all equally loved but for some reason... Fidget's parting is turning out to be particularly difficult.

I've done what I've always done after losing a pet... found some comfort in starting the search for another... then starting a brand new relationship with him/her. I really am looking forward to a new companion, but I'm finding it especially difficult to get the feeling of comfort even while grieving this time. *shrug* I dunno... I still just keep seeing Fidget looking at me over my knees, lying on the couch with his big brown eyes... little bum up in the air... little tail going from side to side so that his whole bum moved. He just took such good care of me.

I hope I did the same for him... it haunts me that he died relatively young at only 11.5yrs. old... he should have had another 3yrs. at least. Intellectually I know it's nothing I did, it was just his time but in my heart...   I just don't know.

I am considering a Chinese Crested dog... one of the hairless ones... they really are a selective taste among people. Some just love them and some just think they look strange. They do come in 2 flavours actually... hairless and powder puff... I really have always liked the hairless. Either way, they don't shed any of the long hair they might have, it just needs to be combed out every few days which is no burden to me. I'm considering one of Tara's pups due in a week or so. Website here: http://www.taja.info
They are this side of Edmonton around Spruce Grove, easy for me to get to by bus to see them. I have first choice of a male hairless if one turns up with a couple of other options. They are quite intelligent and lively little things, so if it works out perhaps it will temper the grief and start a new relationship. There's still plenty of time for me to clean up get more comfortable with the loss of Fidget as they need to be at least 8 weeks old before they leave Mom anyway. Mom is a PowderPuff but can be shaved and you'd not know the difference and Dad is considered a Hairless. Tara's hairless dogs are not "true" hairless which are extremely hard to find with only the prescribed spots of hair... they are a little hairier, more like Dad... which is not a totally bad thing here in the winter. I'll post some pics of Mom and Dad, I just need to make them a little smaller in Photoshop, they are on the website though. It's awesome that they are close enough for me to go see them a couple of weeks after birth... I didn't have that option with Spencer or Fidget. Sonja, my first pet dog... a Doberman was only 8 weeks old when we got her... Spencer was my Toy Manchester Terrier who came to me from Sacramento, CA at about 4.5 months old, from a very reputable breeder, they had kept him with intention of showing him but then the little rascal got just a little too big and slipped out of the "conformational" rules so they turned to finding a good home for him... to my luck he was directed my way! Fidget also was just a little out of the rules for showing due to some itty bitty colour issue I surely never noticed, was in a home for just over 2yrs. when they could no longer keep him. I was on his breeder's list for an upcoming breeding when she directed Fidget my way! They were just meant to be. And Sonja, the Doberman... her Mom and Dad were owned by a couple here in Calgary so we went over to meet the parents and 2 males and 1 female pups left... Sonja trotted right on over to my ex... then husband as he crouched down to see them. It's funny how sometimes animals and people just "pick" each other. And so wonderful when it happens, I'd not have wanted to miss out on even one of my 3 doggie "kids" in spite of the pain when it came time for them to leave. I just HAVE to believe that joy will follow pain once again.

[Dreambird]

Good Evening everyone

Sorry I was so "morose" last night but nights with no little companion are the hardest and cleaning out Fidget's room was unpleasant and then on top of it all, thoughts of Fidget also bring up memories of my other 2. The memories of them is no longer what I would call grief, it's mainly happy memories but it can be mixed with a little sorrow here and there. I guess it's what one would call a "resolved" grieving process... almost always just good memories.

But, yes... Gunug, Fidget was a very fine animal! All of my dogs were, however Fidget was a particularly good little caretaker... we were definitely a tight pair!

The puppies up near Edmonton, I'm told may well arrive within the next week according to Tara... Mom is getting "very" big. I've asked her about coming up to visit them when they are around 3-4 weeks old and just sitting down with them and see what happens. She agreed and even offered to pick me up in the little town of Spruce Grove to bring me to her place as the bus doesn't go all the way there. I don't drive these days... a car is something that has just become too darned expensive for me to keep and something I can get by without even though it might be handy. Tara seems to be a very nice person, she has always been cheerful and patient with my questions... something to look forward to.

Thank you all again so much for just letting me ramble here... that is a big help to me especially on a night like last night. By the time I finished posting, the tears had subsided and I was feeling better just by letting it all out. Thank you too, Frances for your offer of a PM. Perhaps I will do that if I feel the need... I can certainly understand your attachment to a special animal and I do hope you still have a long time together! Your ponies are awesome little animals from what I've seen... I think if it were me I'd feel the same way as you. And thank you, Jack... I too wish for Fidget to rest in peace now, free from pain etc. Perhaps if there is an afterlife he's now met Sonja and Spencer... who knows, but it is a nice thought.

[Dreambird]

Well... sometimes things change... "FAST!"
I have been waiting for the Chinese Crested puppies up near Edmonton to be born, when in the meantime someone referred me to a lady in Quebec who breeds awesome Toy Manchester Terriers. I got in touch with her... she had 4 puppies just born... 5 days old. One Female and three Males... one male left and "I" got him! I am now excited beyond words... My Spencer who lived 15.5 years just before Fidget was a Toy Manchester Terrier so I know them well and the chance to have another is.... just .... just awesome!

I'd given up on that as they are very hard to find and certainly not around here. I just "stumbled" on this one really.

Which makes me tend to believe that each of my former doggies, knowing how very lonely I was rattling around this house all alone with few friends, "directed" another friend my way. It's the third time it's happened now... Sonja passed away and I had Spencer a month to the day later, Spencer passed away and I had Fidget 7 days later and now it will be only 7 weeks until the new puppy is ready to come home to me. His name will be "Sully."

I still grieve for my Fidget but he took such good care of me while alive, and it's so coincidental that a new puppy has always just "shown up." Who am I to say the one before is not looking out for me?

I'll post some pics as I get them... this is the first one... all 4 of the little ones in a pile of puppies!