We need some Humor!!!

[jchuzi]

No matter how stupid you feel, remember that Little Red Riding Hood couldn't figure out that a talking wolf in drag wasn't her grandmother.

[jchuzi]

I have a few jokes about unemployed people ….. but none of them work.

Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
 
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.

 Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, "What's your favorite kind of music?"

The other says, "I'm a big metal fan.

 "Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There's no menu - you get what you deserve.

 I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, ….but couldn't find any.

 What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A maybe.

 I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.

 Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.

 I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, …..but then I changed my mind.

 I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: That's the last thing I need!

 Sleeping comes so naturally to me. I could do it with my eyes closed.

 What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus.

 You're not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.

 I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I'm okay.

 Don't spell PART backwards. It's a trap.

 What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus. Switzerland

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.

 To the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero. Thanks for nothing!

 Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?" … Dad: "No sun.”

[jchuzi]

Murphy’s Other Laws


1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

 2. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
 
 3. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
 
 4. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
 
 5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 
 6. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
 
 7. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
 
 8. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

 9. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end-to-end, someone from LA would be stupid enough to try to pass them.
 
 10. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
 
 11. The things that come to those who wait, may be the things left by those who got there first.
 
 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
 
 13. Flashlight:  A case for holding dead batteries.
 
 14. God gave you toes as a device for finding furniture in the dark.
 
 15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

[Frances144]

There is truth in all of those ^^^

[jchuzi]

I think that my wife has started to show the first signs of dementia. She says she can't remember what she ever saw in me.