Not being at my Mac (G3 OS9.2) I'm not positive, but there might be a Remote Access Preferences (RAP) file in your System Folder -> Preferences.
If you drag that to your desktop, initiating Remote Access will create a new RAP file. In the worst case scenario, you might have to re-enter your ISP's number to get connected.
If the items you used to see in your menu are not there, you might have to find where the item actually resides and double click on it to execute. This menu issue could be a Finder Preferences problem. Same deal as above. Locate Finder Preferences and drag it to your desktop. A new one will be created. Once it is, you can trash the one on the desktop. If the new one is worse (unlikely) you can put the old one back where it came from.
I can explore this further at home if someone else hasn't helped you through this by the time I get there.
Welcome to TS, you're sure to find the solution here.