Another, er, "winter blonde" joke....
One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the
announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 centimeters of snow
today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the
street, so the snowplow can get through."
Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer
says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimeters of snow today. You
must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the
snowplow can get through."
Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again when the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 centimeters of snow
today. You must park..........." and the power goes out.
Norman's wife is very upset, with a worried look on her face she
says,
"Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I
need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in his voice that all of us men
who are married to Blondes exhibit, Norman says,
"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
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Minnesota Winter Car Tips
Be sure to use a lightweight oil; in Minnesota, authorities recommend turpentine.
Be sure you have a heavy-duty battery in your car. Replace it once a week.
Install an oil heater, a radiator heater, an internal pre-heater, and an external pre-heater.
If you can't get your key in the lock:
a. Check the color and make; is it your car or did yours slide downhill overnight;
b. Use a blowtorch to thaw the lock.
Key won't turn in the ignition:
a.Try turning it with pliers; be careful you don't break the key in the lock;
b.Go inside and have a cup of coffee.
Press the accelerator to the floor and release it; if you have to bend down and pull the accelerator off the floor, your gas has frozen:
a.Put a can of Heet in the car;
b.Go have another cup of coffee. Rationalize that the temperature will go from -19 to -18.5. Fortify those odds with another can of Heet - drink it.
Turn the ignition key.
a.If the starter turns the engine over, flood the engine to force the frozen gas plug loose and to get the thawed gas into the carburetor.
b.Go have another cup of coffee - try to find a bus schedule; go outside and try again when you learn you have a 45 minute wait for a three-hour bus ride.
Turn the ignition key.
a.If the starter just clicks, you need a jump. Find some jump cables; connect the red wire to the positive terminal, the black wire to the negative terminal, and plug the other end of the cables into an electrical outlet. Make sure you hold the metal ends of the cables - this won't help the car, but will send several hundred volts through your body to avert frostbite.
b.Go have another cup of coffee while the battery charges for 15 minutes.
Turn the ignition key.
a.When the car doesn't start (and it won't), remove the air cleaner and spray ether into the carburetor. Let the fire burn at least five minutes to help thaw the engine.
b.Go have a cup of coffee and call a service station because you dropped the wing nut into the carburetor.
Turn the ignition key.
a.If the car doesn't start, go have a cup of coffee and call work that you won't be in; then call a service station.
b.If the car starts, go have a cup of coffee and call work that you won't be in; then take the day off to celebrate.
