Author Topic: We need some Humor!!!  (Read 468027 times)

Offline jwboyd

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1275 on: August 23, 2018, 10:11:55 AM »
My daughter is an avid quilt hobbyist. She and two of my sisters, plus another friend, are now on a four-state quilt shop tour. They are calling it a FROLIC (Four Retired Old Ladies In Car). They considered calling it a Fabric Acquisition Road Trip, but decided not.
I'm not a complete idiot -- a few parts are missing!

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1276 on: August 23, 2018, 10:19:46 AM »
I thought this test might have been posted at TS, but I can't remember...

Your Yearly Dementia Test (only 4 questions)

Yep, it's that time of year again for us to take our annual senior citizen test.

Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!

Here is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to your last test. Some may think it is too easy, but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty.

Take this test to determine if you're loosing it or not.

The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind, and begin.

#1. What do you put in a toaster?
|
|
|
Answer: 'bread.' If you
said 'toast,' just give up now,
and go do something else.
And, try not to hurt yourself!

If you said, bread, go to Question #2.

# 2.
Say 'silk' five times.
Now spell 'silk.'
What do cows drink?
|
|
|
Answer: Cows drink water. If
you said 'milk,' don't attempt the
next question.
Your brain is
already over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading more appropriate
literature such as Women's Weekly or Auto World. However, if you did say 'water,' proceed to
Question #3.

# 3.
If a red house is made from red bricks,
and a blue house is made from blue bricks,
and a pink house is made from pink bricks,
and a black house is made from black bricks,
what is a green house made from?
|
|
|
Answer: Greenhouses are
made from glass.

If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading this??? PLEASE, go lie down!!!

But, if you said 'glass,' go on to Question #4.

# 4. Do not use a calculator for this:

You are driving a bus from New York City to Philadelphia.
In Staten Island, 17 people got on the bus.
In New Brunswick, 6 people get off the bus, and 9 people get on.
In Windsor, 2 people get off, and 4 get on.
In Trenton, 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Bristol, 3 people get off, and 5 people get on.
And, in Camden, 6 people get off, and 3 get on.

You then arrive at Philadelphia Station.

Without going back to review, how old is the bus driver?
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Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!!!

Don't you remember your own age?!?
It was YOU, driving the bus!!!
 
If you pass this along to your friends, pray that they do better than you.
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1277 on: August 23, 2018, 10:21:39 AM »
Quote
They considered calling it a Fabric Acquisition Road Trip, but decided not.
Obviously age has brought wisdom! :yes: :rofl:
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1278 on: August 23, 2018, 10:47:21 AM »
My wife is asking me to help out more around the house!
I'm not sure what else I can do! :dntknw:

I bought her an electric-start, riding lawnmower. I now use the clothes line to hang my squirrel skins to dry after I bought her a brand new clothes dryer for the back porch! Now she wants me to vacuum! Perhaps I can find one of those with an electric starter? :doh:
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1279 on: August 23, 2018, 10:49:17 AM »
I went onto Amazon and ordered a chicken and an egg. I'll let you know...
Jon

macOS 11.7.10, iMac Retina 5K 27-inch, late 2014, 3.5 GHz Intel Core i5, 1 TB fusion drive, 16 GB RAM, Epson SureColor P700, Photoshop CC, Lightroom CC, MS Office 365

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1280 on: August 23, 2018, 02:49:11 PM »
As good as the King James version of the Bible is, it left out a part of the true story of creation.

God created everything in six days, rested on the seventh, and on the eighth day said, "OK Murphy. You take over now."
Jon

macOS 11.7.10, iMac Retina 5K 27-inch, late 2014, 3.5 GHz Intel Core i5, 1 TB fusion drive, 16 GB RAM, Epson SureColor P700, Photoshop CC, Lightroom CC, MS Office 365

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1281 on: September 19, 2018, 03:41:29 PM »
I can't help but admire this wonderful rogue:   Alan Abel, Hoaxer Extraordinaire, Is (on Good Authority) Dead at 94 I remember SCINA and only discovered that that it was a hoax several years ago. May Mr. Abel succeed in hoaxing Mr. Lucifer!
Jon

macOS 11.7.10, iMac Retina 5K 27-inch, late 2014, 3.5 GHz Intel Core i5, 1 TB fusion drive, 16 GB RAM, Epson SureColor P700, Photoshop CC, Lightroom CC, MS Office 365

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1282 on: September 19, 2018, 07:35:54 PM »
I’ve heard that some think he’s faking it... again! :whistling: :rofl:
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1283 on: October 01, 2018, 04:20:08 PM »
Last but not least in scientific honors, here are the winners of the Ig Nobel Prize. My favorite is the Economics prize.
Jon

macOS 11.7.10, iMac Retina 5K 27-inch, late 2014, 3.5 GHz Intel Core i5, 1 TB fusion drive, 16 GB RAM, Epson SureColor P700, Photoshop CC, Lightroom CC, MS Office 365

Offline jwboyd

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1284 on: October 01, 2018, 06:52:10 PM »
I heard this from a professor of economics: "If all the economists were laid end to end, they would never reach a conclusion."
I'm not a complete idiot -- a few parts are missing!

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1285 on: October 01, 2018, 07:11:58 PM »
I'm left wondering if Akira Horiuchi, winner of the MEDICAL EDUCATION PRIZE sat in the audience or was, instead, standing in the wings until the announcement. :Thinking:
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline krissel

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1286 on: October 02, 2018, 02:55:52 AM »
I could have participated in the Chemistry prize research. I often would (ahem) spit on the cover plate of the pressure gauges that I repaired and calibrated while helping my Dad. We had previously used tricloroethane as a cleaner but it was removed from the market as dangerous to health and the environment. Sigh. Anyway, the spit actually did a better job.  :p

(no comments on my breath, please...  :toothgrin: )

CHEMISTRY PRIZE [PORTUGAL] — Paula Romão, Adília Alarcão and the late César Viana, for measuring the degree to which human saliva is a good cleaning agent for dirty surfaces.


A Techsurvivors founder

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1287 on: October 02, 2018, 10:30:34 AM »
I heard this from a professor of economics: "If all the economists were laid end to end, they would never reach a conclusion."
Economists exist in order to make astrologers look good.
Jon

macOS 11.7.10, iMac Retina 5K 27-inch, late 2014, 3.5 GHz Intel Core i5, 1 TB fusion drive, 16 GB RAM, Epson SureColor P700, Photoshop CC, Lightroom CC, MS Office 365

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1288 on: October 04, 2018, 11:35:14 AM »
Progress?!

From MacRumors:
Quote
Apple has included over 70 new emoji characters, making it easier than ever to express yourself.
... or to waste more time and language skillz! :wallbash:
« Last Edit: October 04, 2018, 04:07:21 PM by Xairbusdriver »
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Highmac

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1289 on: October 05, 2018, 06:11:26 AM »
I used to find that eight was too many... Now I'm down to using about three basic ones and ignoring the rest.

Life's too short... (Long pause while searching the group above for something appropriate)

OK, pot luck. Look away from screen and just prod smiley panel    :eek: :WOW: :mrgreen: :thanx: :wallbash: :tears: :yahoo:
Neil
MacMini (2018) OS10.14.6 (Mojave). Monitor: LG 27in 4K Ultra HD LED.
15in MacBook Pro (Mid 2014) OS10.13.4 (High Sierra);
15in MacBook Pro (2010), (ex-Snow Leopard); now OS10.13.6 (High Sierra); 500GB Solid-State SATA drive; 4GB memory.