Author Topic: We need some Humor!!!  (Read 468028 times)

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1290 on: October 05, 2018, 09:50:16 AM »
I have noticed that even if one uses the Emoji and Symbols Character View there are text labels/explanations for your selection. "If you have to explain a joke...". :wallbash: :whoosh: :wacko:
"An Emoji is worth a word or two!"
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1291 on: October 05, 2018, 10:25:17 AM »
In other news (and here at TS) there are reports that the Chinese military created and inserted teenincie* chips on circuit boards that ended up on servers and other strategic places. There is a link to the reports a couple of places over in the Tech area, but I nearly laughed out loud reading the following line:
Quote
Two of Elemental’s biggest early clients were the Mormon church, which used the technology to beam sermons to congregations around the world, and the adult film industry, which did not.

* Sorry for the technical jargon: "Teeninecie" describes the physical size of a circuit board. It is similar to the term "teenyweeny" but is more precise than "littlebitty".
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1292 on: October 21, 2018, 07:22:13 AM »
I haven't posted an outrageous pun in awhile, and I know that XABD is chafing at the bit, waiting for one. Here goes...

A gecko was employed in Las Vegas to handicap horse races, predict winners in football, and similar things. He became famous and was known as The Lizard of Odds.
Jon

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Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1293 on: October 21, 2018, 12:28:34 PM »
Now my bit is broken!!! :loco: :fool: :stop:
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1294 on: October 22, 2018, 09:52:10 AM »
Got this from a friend:
Quote
I decided to stop calling the bathroom the “John” and renamed it the “Jim”. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
I'll be back later, I'm going to the Jim. :thumbup:
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Highmac

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1295 on: November 02, 2018, 02:48:33 PM »
Not a joke in the usual sense, but it amused us ...

A relative was telling my OH that her grandson Sam had got engaged to marry his girlfriend Ella. She added, however, that family members had agreed they must always call them Ella 'n' Sam, rather than Sam 'n' Ella...
Neil
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Offline jwboyd

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1296 on: November 02, 2018, 06:43:43 PM »
Sam 'n' Ella

I geddit!
I'm not a complete idiot -- a few parts are missing!

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1297 on: November 03, 2018, 06:47:45 AM »
Here's some humor for classical music aficionados:

Franz von Suppe, the composer, had a brother who was an even better musician but lacks recognition. When the brother joined the Austrian army, he was discharged for cowardice and was forever after known as Chicken Suppe.
Jon

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Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1298 on: November 03, 2018, 10:00:23 AM »
:blink:
Where are
the admin
when we
need
them
:wallbash:
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Texas Mac Man

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1299 on: November 28, 2018, 10:30:04 AM »
See if you can translate the following into the familiar sayings we've all heard. See answers below.

1. Scintillate, scintillate, exiguous luminous celestial object.

2. Members of an avian species of identical plumage congregate.

3. Cogitation should precede salutations.

4. Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

5. It is fruitless to become lachrymose over precipitately departed lacteal fluid.

6. Freedom from incrustations of grime is contiguous to rectitude.

7. The stylus is more potent than the claymore.

8. It is fruitless to attempt to indoctrinate a superannuated canine with innovative maneuvers.

9. Eschew the implement of correction and vitiate the scion.

10. The temperature of the aqueous content of an unremittingly ogled saucepan does not does reach 212 degrees Fahrenheit.

11. All articles that coruscate with resplendence are not truly auriferous.

12. Where there are visible vapors in ignited carbonaceous material, there is conflagration.

Answers:

1. Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

2. Birds of a feather, flock together.

3. Think before you speak.

4. Beauty is skin deep.

5. Don't cry over spilled milk.

6. Cleanliness is next to godliness.

7. The pen is mightier than the sword.

8. You can't teach an old dog new tricks.

9. Spare the rod and spoil the child.

10. A watched pot doesn't boil.

11. All that glitters is not gold.

12. Where there's smoke, there's fire.
Cheers, Tom

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Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1300 on: November 28, 2018, 10:46:42 AM »
My diminutive vocabulary has escalated exiguously! :blush:
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Highmac

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1301 on: December 14, 2018, 04:07:05 PM »
Giving this thread a nudge...

My wife bought herself a book on slimming.

How much has she lost?

Thirty bucks….
Neil
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Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1302 on: December 14, 2018, 06:24:00 PM »
... so your wife doesn't read much at our forums ... :Thinking:
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Highmac

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1303 on: December 15, 2018, 05:26:30 AM »
Not a lot gets past you, does it?  :)
Neil
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Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1304 on: December 15, 2018, 09:05:46 AM »
Not you are talking to our wives! :rofl:
THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes: