We need some Humor!!!

[jchuzi]

A farmer finally decided to buy a TV. The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day. The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV on and found only political ads again.

When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only found political ads. The next day when he still found only political ads he called the store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV.

When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right. After looking at the TV for a while he went outside to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem. The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and grounded to the MANURE spreader!!

[Xairbusdriver]

Sever years ago, we lived in Chicago. The first Winter was a bit of a surprise, to say the least. Being from the south, I didn't realize that even Chicago would have problems with snow. They seemed to have it fairly well taken care of, however. Seems they use snow plows to keep the streets as clear of snow as possible.

Usually the city announces each morning when the plows will be running and ask everyone to move their cars off of one side of the street. Odd numbered side one time, even numbered side maybe the next. But one day we had two problems . We were listening to the news and the announcer was just getting to the part telling which side of the street should be cleared and the power went out!! I told my wife I was now in a quandary about which side to park on. I certainly did not want to be ticketed for parking on the wrong side. Nor could I wait much longer since I had to leave for work very soon. My lovely wife suggested a solution that saved the day not to mention our wallet! "Why not just leave the second car in the garage this time?"

[Highmac]

What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common?









They have the same middle name 

[Xairbusdriver]

  Neil, is that from your Oxford English Literature studies?! I suggested that my GrandDaughter could use that joke with her pre-school students!

In related news (we recently had a thread on the other side of TS concerning HP):HP Offers 'That Cloud Thing Everyone Is Talking About'

[Highmac]

Love that link.... its punchline suggested there would soon be an app that posted info on all your bodily functions directly to Facebook. It was posted in 2012 - they obviously knew something we've only recently learned...

Edit to add: Guess this could have gone on the 'Fed up with Facebook' thread

[jchuzi]

Now that the start of baseball season is in sight, here's some baseball philosophy:

A certain umpire was known for his domineering, abusive behavior, both on and off the field. He was so bad at home that his 4-year-old son refused to sit on his lap. This proves that the son never sits on the brutish umpire.

[Xairbusdriver]

Dilbert, 3/21/19

I wonder what social media site he could possibly be talking about...

[jchuzi]

Apropos April Fool's Day, regard the 2018 winners of the Ig Nobel Prize.

[jchuzi]

Top 10 Engineer's Terms and Expressions (What they say versus what they mean):

1.      A number of different approaches are being tried. (We are still guessing at this point.)
2.      Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive. (The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.)
3.      Test results were extremely gratifying! (Unbelievable, it actually worked!)
4.      Please note and initial. (Let's spread the responsibility for this.)
5.      All new. (Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)
6.      Rugged. (Don't plan to lift it without major equipment.)
7.      Years of development. (One finally worked)
8.      Energy saving. (Achieved when the power switch is off.)
9.      No maintenance. (Impossible to fix)
10.     I didn't get your e-mail. (I haven't checked my e-mail for days.)

[jchuzi]

Here's a little-known fact: Jacques Offenbach, the French composer, was a chemist. You can view the proof.

[Xairbusdriver]

PLEASE!!! This is a modern, up-to-date technology site!!! Put your "Classical" comments elsewhere!:wallbash:

[jchuzi]

To add fuel to the fire, my orchestra (Woodstock Symphony Orchestra) just played Offenbach's Orpheus In The Underworld, sometimes called Orpheus In His Underpants, probably because his can can was showing. 

[Xairbusdriver]

Don't give up, Jon! One of these daze you'll come up with something appropriate for this topic... Maybe you should go to your room and think about that for a week or too.

[jchuzi]

A midget set himself up in business as a psychic. Of course, he was a fraud and he bilked many people out of hard-earned money by claiming that he could contact deceased relatives. Eventually, his victims complained enough so that the police a warrant for his arrest. He got wind of this and left town in a hurry.

The headline in the local newspaper stated, "Small Medium At Large."

[Xairbusdriver]

I think you need at least two more weeks...