We need some Humor!!!

[jwboyd]

Q: Who built King Arthur's round table?

A: Sir Cumferemce

[Highmac]

They told me I was gullible...




and I BELIEVED them!!

[jchuzi]

A few smiles:
 
My doctor asked if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness.  I said, "No, we all seem to enjoy it."
 
I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.  Turns out it was the refrigerator.
 
My bucket list:  keep breathing.
 
Camping:  where you spend a small fortune to live like a homeless person.
 
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say:  "close enough."
 
Being an adult is the dumbest thing I have ever done.
 
 I'm a multitasker.  I can listen, ignore and forget all at the same time!
 
Retirement to do list:  Wake up.  Nailed it!
 
Went to an antique show and people were bidding on me.
 
When you can't find the sunshine...be the sunshine.
 
I don't have grey hair.  I have wisdom highlights.
 
Sometimes it takes me all day to get nothing done.
 
 I don't trip, I do random gravity checks.
 
My heart says chocolate and wine, but my jeans say, please, please, please, eat a salad!
 
 I'd grow my own food if only I could find bacon seeds.
 
Losing weight doesn't seem to be working for me, so from now I'm going to concentrate on getting taller.
 
Some people are like clouds, once they disappear it's a beautiful day.
 
Common sense is not a gift. It's a punishment because you have to deal with everyone who doesn't have it.
 
I came.  I saw.  I forgot what I was doing.  I retraced my steps, got lost on the way back and now I have no idea what's going on…

[kimmer]

I came.  I saw.  I forgot what I was doing.  I retraced my steps, got lost on the way back and now I have no idea what's going on…

 

[Xairbusdriver]

Name: Den
DOMAIN mid-southweather.com IMMEDIATE TERMINATION
Invoice#: 576833
Date: 2021-05-14

INSTANT ATTENTION REQUIRED IN REGARDS TO YOUR DOMAIN mid-southweather.com

YOUR DOMAIN mid-southweather.com WILL BE TERMINATED WITHIN 12 HOURS...

I assume this important message comes from just across the international date line? Or my computer is off by a day... Even with the definitely NON-USA date format, i noticed that.

I also double-checked my driver's license to be sure my name had not changed.

I'm hoping these are the same guys who hacked the Colonial Pipeline computers. If so, it shouldn't be hard to prosecute them as they likely left their phone numbers and home addresses on a public site. Who would have thought that a SPAM would have actually made me smile.

[Xairbusdriver]

For dog owners.

For cat servers.

[jchuzi]

We don't have dogs but the cat site definitely hit home! Any cat "owner" will tell you that cat logic is inscrutable. Thanks for the link!

[Xairbusdriver]

How many times have you seen people wanting to help at TS ask for more specific information?

[jchuzi]

Thanks for the clarification. Here's one that, for some reason, women relate to:

A man dies and goes up to heaven. He asks St. Peter if it would be possible to talk to God, and St. Peter clears it with the deity. His questions and answers:

1. Q: "Why did you make women so beautiful?" A: "So you would like them."
2. Q: "Why did you make women so cuddly?" A: "So you would like them."
3. Q: "Why did you make women so stupid?" A: "So they would like you."
 

[Xairbusdriver]

From "IT" (the tv series):

British Computer Support/Help-line

[jchuzi]

Wisdom of Phyllis Diller:

As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. - Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? -Phyllis Diller

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.-Phyllis Diller

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.-Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.-Phyllis Diller

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once      -Phyllis Diller

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.-Phyllis Diller

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.-Phyllis Diller

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.-Phyllis Diller

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.-Phyllis Diller

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.          - Phyllis Diller

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.-Phyllis Diller

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.-Phyllis Diller

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.-Phyllis Diller

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.-Phyllis Diller

My photographs don't do me justice -they look just like me.-Phyllis Diller

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children.-Phyllis Diller

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'-Phyllis Diller

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.-Phyllis Diller 

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.-Phyllis Diller

[Highmac]

From "IT" (the tv series):
British Computer Support/Help-line

Reminds me of a chap we worked with some years ago. It was nigh-on impossible to get him to do much. He had been denied early retirement several times - when others had been accepted - so a call always got the "have you tried..."


If you said you had, he told us we'd have to wait until his colleague came in for the next shift. Not sure who was the more awkward - him or the company that wouldn't let him go, so couldn't fire him...


And for petrol-heads - the silver coupe towards the end is a Ford Puma, a small car that was never sold in the US, but was advertised in Europe with "Steve McQueen" driving it around San Francisco in "Bullitt" style. Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6C9XRT-AFxc. Clever when you consider the Puma was launched in 1997 when filming was a lot less electronic. 


My better half bought one of the last 1.7 litre Pumas in 2002. Her favourite car, it lasted 11 years before it had to be traded in. It was a dream to drive, though we never treated it like the Top Gear team did before declaring it their Car of the Year 1997 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3QuH7z1Z1o


Please excuse a bit of OT-ness... 


 

[Xairbusdriver]

"OT-ness"?! I came here this morning trying to decide where to post the following Twit. And I am not talking about the social "media" called Twitter, I am talking about the "Doctor" in these Twit-Clips. "Dr." Tenpenny claims that (one of) the Corona vaccines causes recipients to become magnetized! According to her, there is "a metal" attached to the proteins in the vaccine, I suppose the 'metal' is iron. I take a multi-vitamin daily and it clearly states it contains iron!!! Hopefully, I will never again lose my keys since they will now stick to my body!!! For more sad laughs, see the posts/tweets by (I think) Tyler Buchanan (I'm not sure whether twit names start or end a twit... ).

I wonder if this "doctor" went to the same "medical school" as "Doctor" Immanuel who claims demon sperm causes the virus.

[Xairbusdriver]

Maybe this should be on the "Tech" side?

"The Milky Way as Seen from Mars"

[jchuzi]

For those who trust Alexa, watch this video