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Author Topic: We need some Humor!!!  (Read 467987 times)

Offline RHPConsult

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« Reply #300 on: December 06, 2007, 08:08:06 PM »
Thanksgiving's over.

Time for Christmas Humor (humour)

QUOTE
189 Pieces

A grandfather bought a hobby horse by mail order as a birthday present for his granddaughter. The toy arrived in 189 pieces.

The instructions said that it could be put together in an hour. However, it took the old man two days to assemble the toy.

Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189 pieces, and mailed it off to the company.
   

thumbup.gif   clap.gif    harhar.gif  
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Offline Gregg

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« Reply #301 on: December 07, 2007, 07:16:16 AM »
Love that commercial about the young lady who actually got a pony for Christmas. laugh.gif
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Ya gotta applaud those bunnies for sacrificing their hearing just so some guy in Cupertino can have better TV reception.

Offline Texas Mac Man

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« Reply #302 on: December 12, 2007, 04:59:26 PM »
"Who's (Hu`s) On First" -- new version with Bush & Condi

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?

Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you WHO is the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China.

Condi: Hu.

George: The main man in China!

Condi: Hu is leading China.

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?

Condi: I'm telling you, Hu is leading China.

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?

Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?

Condi: Yes.

George: Will you, or will you not, tell me the name of the new leader of China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he's dead in the Middle East.

Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?

Condi: No, sir.

George: Look Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.

Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.

Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.

Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?

Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?

Condi: Hu is the guy in China

George: Will you stay out of China?!

Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.

Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars.



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Offline RHPConsult

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« Reply #303 on: December 19, 2007, 10:56:56 PM »
A mother and baby camel are talking one day when the baby camel asks, "Mom, why have I got these huge three-toed feet?"

The mother replies, "Well, son, when we trek across the desert, your toes will help you to stay on top of the soft sand."

"OK," said the son. A few minutes later the son asks, "Mom, why have I got these great long eyelashes?"

"They are there to keep the sand out of your eyes on the trips through the desert."

"Thanks, Mom," replies the son. After a short while, the son returns and asks, "Mom, why have I got these great big humps on my back?"

The mother, now a little impatient with the boy, replies, "They are there to help us store fat for our long treks across the desert, so we can go without water for long periods."

"That's great, Mom. So we have huge feet to stop us sinking, and long eyelashes to keep the sand from our eyes, and these
humps to store water, but Mom..."

"Yes, son?"

"Why are we in the San Diego zoo?"
« Last Edit: December 19, 2007, 10:57:32 PM by RHPConsult »
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Offline Xairbusdriver

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« Reply #304 on: December 22, 2007, 09:51:42 AM »
While checking for info on another 'news report', I came across this page at <Snopes.com>.

PS, leave your political correctness sensor OFF while reading these! tongue.gif And I have not approved all of these stories, I haven't even read all of them!
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Highmac

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« Reply #305 on: December 22, 2007, 11:40:08 AM »
QUOTE(Xairbusdriver @ Dec 22 2007, 03:51 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
...I haven't even read all of them!

I have biggrin.gif

One of my favourites....
QUOTE
At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphical calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement.

He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction!

 Groaner.gif
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Offline Gregg

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« Reply #306 on: December 22, 2007, 02:41:44 PM »
Thomas Edison once visited an Indian reservation in upstate New York. He was appalled at the lack of modern facilities. All the tribe had was a solitary outhouse set in a grove of trees. After contempating what he might do to help these downtrodden people, he had a bright idea. Returning a month later, Edison brought along enough supplies to hook up a lamp for the outhouse, and he installed everything himself. Thus, Edison became the first man ever to wire a head for a reservation.
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Ya gotta applaud those bunnies for sacrificing their hearing just so some guy in Cupertino can have better TV reception.

Offline Bill-R

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« Reply #307 on: December 22, 2007, 07:27:04 PM »
Hey ABD,I think I know that T-shirt you are talking about. The one you referred to on page 12 of this post, with the upside down printing on it.  Besides the "Port and Starboard" printing - did it also have the Ferry Schedule on it?  They print those up every year the ferry schedule part is also printed upside down.



I guess I should add something entertaining to this while I am here.


This is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about Alaska:

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you live in Alaska

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you live in Alaska

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Alaska

If you measure distance in hours, you live in Alaska

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Alaska

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you live in Alaska

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit, you live in Alaska

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you live in Alaska

If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow, you live in Alaska

If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction, you live in Alaska

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your car, you live in Alaska

If you find 10 degrees 'a little chilly', you live in Alaska

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward them to all your Alaska friends & others, you live or have lived in Alaska
« Last Edit: December 22, 2007, 07:30:28 PM by Bill-R »
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Offline Xairbusdriver

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« Reply #308 on: December 26, 2007, 05:14:41 PM »
Ben rowling in the flowr al dais @ thz site!!! Evin if u like not catz, thz is funy noe?

<icanhascheezburger.com>
« Last Edit: December 26, 2007, 05:15:47 PM by Xairbusdriver »
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CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Xairbusdriver

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« Reply #309 on: January 09, 2008, 04:37:25 PM »
« Last Edit: January 09, 2008, 04:49:06 PM by Xairbusdriver »
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline dolphin

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« Reply #310 on: January 14, 2008, 08:40:27 AM »
POEM

A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.

The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze.

The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.

Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know...........
Is what tells each one where to go!

There's always a lot to be thankful for if
you take time to look for it. For example
I am sitting here thinking how nice it is
that wrinkles don't hurt...
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Offline RNKIII

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« Reply #311 on: January 14, 2008, 08:52:56 AM »
Another GREAT time waster!!

This one could keep you occupied for hours.
It's certainly a way to get rid of your aggression.
This is also really good for improving hand-eye coordination and timing.
See how far can you smack the penguin!
Click to make the penguin jump and then click again,
in time to make the polar bear swing the bat to hit the penguin across the ice.
Warning : Very addictive
        http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf

Bob K.
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Offline jwboyd

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« Reply #312 on: January 14, 2008, 09:18:05 AM »
Personal best in 10 tries: 301.3

Hint: Try to hit a fly ball instead of a grounder.
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I'm not a complete idiot -- a few parts are missing!

Offline Xairbusdriver

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« Reply #313 on: January 16, 2008, 02:27:50 PM »
Another great use for an older iMac:

For all you Dog lovers:

Be careful who you ask for at tech support!
« Last Edit: January 16, 2008, 02:33:14 PM by Xairbusdriver »
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Xairbusdriver

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« Reply #314 on: January 18, 2008, 04:50:48 PM »
[attachment=830:lolcat_with_guy.jpg]
« Last Edit: January 18, 2008, 04:51:57 PM by Xairbusdriver »
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:
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