We need some Humor!!!

[LR827]

Well, although I have not read all 15 pages of this string, I shall take a chance on making a contribution. I'm SURE it hasn't been repeated here: Visit This Link

[krissel]

QUOTE(sandyman @ Jun 5 2008, 07:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Being British

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

Actually if you substitute America for Britain in all of those and 'British shows' it would also be true.  

[Gregg]

QUOTE(krissel @ Jun 6 2008, 01:16 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually if you substitute America for Britain in all of those and 'British shows' it would also be true.  

I was thinking the same thing, until I got to this:

QUOTE(sandyman @ Jun 5 2008, 06:58 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

NOT TO MENTION..

Good strategy!

[Xairbusdriver]

And "A&E" means...

Most know what the ampersand means and I assume the "E" is for Emergency? But "A"... Of course, over here, it would be Arts and Entertainment ( cable ) Network. Not much Art nor Entertainment, but what do you expect from American television? And our local cable company has even removed CSpan2 from the basic package! The "C" stands for CABLE for crying out loud! Why would a cable company remove a channel that they help pay for?! But it's not all bad, they replaced CSpan2 with another shopping channel. Now we can watch a completely different one every day of the week! I'm sure they are trying to help jump start the economy...

Anywhere else call Christmas lights "fairy lights?"

[sandyman]

QUOTE(Xairbusdriver @ Jun 6 2008, 11:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

And "A&E" means...

Most know what the ampersand means and I assume the "E" is for Emergency? But "A"... Of course, over here, it would be Arts and Entertainment ( cable ) Network. Not much Art nor Entertainment, but what do you expect from American television? And our local cable company has even removed CSpan2 from the basic package! The "C" stands for CABLE for crying out loud! Why would a cable company remove a channel that they help pay for?! But it's not all bad, they replaced CSpan2 with another shopping channel. Now we can watch a completely different one every day of the week! I'm sure they are trying to help jump start the economy...

Anywhere else call Christmas lights "fairy lights?"

Accident and Emergency

Sums up a lot of television over here though.  In more ways than one

Sandy

[Xairbusdriver]

Thanks for the English translation, I'll run that through the Translation Widget and see how we would say it in American "English!"

BTW, would one say "I'm going to A&E," as you do when mentioning a hospital? As in "I'm going to hospital." On this side of the pond we usually insert "the" between "to" and "hospital." Rather a waste of energy, words and letters, I'll agree but I don't remember hearing you leave out a "the" when mentioning any other facility/store/place/area/building/etc.

[Highmac]

You're usually taken to A&E, also sometimes just called 'Casualty'. The 'the' varies in different areas. In Coventry, older people even talk about factories in terms of "He worked at the Triumph..." (car company), something I'd never heard anywhere else. We would 'go to hospital', but in Nuneaton people just say they're "going to the George Eliot" and leave out hospital because everybody knows it.

Here endeth tonight's lesson - I'm off to bed now.

Say goodnight, Gracie.....

[Xairbusdriver]

Goodnight Gracie...

'Round these parts we say we're "goin' to thuh Walmart."

Maybe a lot of Coventry expats? Many of our 'roots' go back to England and nearby countries to the North and West!

[Gregg]

I always find language usage intriguing. I think for the most part, Midwesterners will insert "the" when referring to a place by its generic term, but omit it when being specific. So while one would go to "the hospital" to use the same example, one would not go to "the St. Joe's" but simply to St. Joe's. If using the entire name, we would still say going to St. Joe's Hospital. Rarely would you hear of anyone going to St. Joseph's Hospital however. Of course, should you say you're going to "the hospital", you might be asked "which one?" for clarification.

So. to use the other example, we would most likely say "I'm going to Walmart" or "I'm going to "the store". "Which one?" would still be a likely response for the latter, and might also be asked if you say "the Walmart" since there is more than one around here.

[Highmac]

Back on topic....

A DOG walks into a grocer's shop with a  basket in its mouth. The shopkeeper spots there's a shopping list and some money inside the basket and fishes it out. He reads the list, places items on it into the basket along with the change and watches, awestruck, as the mutt leaves the shop, the heavy basket in his teeth.
This continues for weeks.
Finally, the shopkeeper decides to follow the dog. He watches as the dog trots up the driveway of a rundown property a mile away from the grocer's shop.
The pet places the basket gently on the ground and presses the doorbell with his nose.
A little old lady opens the door and begins striking the canine with a stick. "Stop! Stop!" shrieks the shopkeeper. "How could you do such a thing? That is the most intelligent dog I've ever seen."
"Intelligent, my arse!" shouts the old crone.
"That's the third time this week he's forgotten his keys."

[Xairbusdriver]

Maybe she should try an elephant next time...

[Texas Mac Man]

Should this be in the Tech forum?  

Copper Wire

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of a copper-wire system dating back 100  years, and they came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly  after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read:
California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper-wire system and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

One week later, The Redneck Rebel Gazette in Senatobia, Mississippi, reported the following:
After digging to a depth of 30 feet in a corn field near Strayhorn, Mississippi, Bubba Johnson, a self-taught archaeologist,  reported that he found absolutely nothing.  Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Mississippi had already gone wireless.

[kimmer]

QUOTE(Texas Mac Man @ Jun 16 2008, 07:21 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Mississippi had already gone wireless.

HAHAHAHAHA!

[sandyman]

Talented Hamster

A scroungy dirty lookin guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says "No chance. I don't think you can pay for it."

The guy says "You're right. I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?" The bartender says "Only if what you show me ain't risque."

"Deal!" says the guy, as he reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down a barstool, across the room, up to the piano and starts playing Elton John songs. And the hamster is really good.

The bartender says, "You're right. I've never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly great on the piano."

The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another. "Money or another miracle else no drink," says the bartender. The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing Michael Bolton numbers. He has a superb voice and great pitch. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $400 for the frog.

The guy says "It's a deal." He takes the 400 bucks and hands the frog to the stranger, who runs out of the bar with it. The bartender says to the guy, "Are you nuts???! You sold a singing frog for $400? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy!"

"Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist!"

Sandy

[Xairbusdriver]

OK, not originally from me but I thought it humorous.

Math/Language Challenge:

3 X 4 = 2 X 6
If N = 3 and E = 4
And L = 2 and y = 7
If J = J and U = U
Then J U N E ≠ J U L Y

And how about these weird letter combinations?

DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: IM A DOT IN PLACE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you rearrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER