We need some Humor!!!

[Xairbusdriver]

Microsoft asks Apple and Google to "Wait up!"

QUOTE(Mashable.com)

<Windows mobile "Skymarket">

[Xairbusdriver]

Humor from The New York Times! Well, sarcasm, anyway!

<Let’s Speculate About the Microsoft Zune>

ps:Use of Blackmoor LET font encouraged!

[kimmer]

QUOTE(Xairbusdriver @ Sep 3 2008, 08:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ps:Use of Blackmoor LET font encouraged!

So how did you find that charming (HAH!) font that is oh-so-easy on the eyes (and obviously needs to be bumped up in size for readability)? It's not in the font drop down list.

[Xairbusdriver]

But, but it IS in a larger size! Look at the source and it should show as "size=3" or maybe even "4." See the image below for "proof!"

[attachment=1043:Post_Image.jpg]

My question is that if you don't have Blackmoor LET installed, how can it show on your screen?! I would not think the TS software is able to send that kind of 'info.' I assumed no one would see that font unless they already had it installed. More than likely, it came with Elements. Adobe seems to always install fonts they think everyone should have, whether they need them or not. And they usually put them in yet another Font Folder!

I was just looking for a font that resembled the NYT logo. That was as close as I could get with what I had available. <Here's a link to get a copy>, don't be fooled by the FREEfonts.com domain. The font runs around $30 - 40 retail.

It is owned by International Type Corp., designed by David Quay. It's only $25.95 from them!
<http://www.itcfonts.com/fonts/font/pid/203754/Blackmoor/>

[kimmer]

Yes, you made it a larger size, but when I just used the name ... well, you can see how tiny it is.

You are correct, the font is installed in my system -- didn't know, I've never used it. Guess I never thought about typing a name of a font installed on my machine and letting it rip and see what happens when others try to view it. Am I making sense? Probably not. Don't worry. I know what I mean.

[Xairbusdriver]

You are much safer only using these weirdunusual fonts for printed work. I'd never attempt tp use it in an email of on a web page. I used to have a much larger collection but when I jumped to X I've been rather 'stuck in the mud' using whatever is already there...

QUOTE

Am I making sense? ...Don't worry. I know what I mean.

Well, you've got ME beat!

[Xairbusdriver]

We may have had this earlier, I'm too lazy to search...

Where to live after Retirement

You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where...
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

Or You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

Or You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say 'the city' and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is 'nature'.
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

Or  You can Live in Minnesota or Maine where...
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

Or You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. "y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, MARY BETH, etc.

Or You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

Or Maybe You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: 'Where's my coat at?'
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, 'It was different!'

AND LAST BUT NO LEAST, You can live in Florida where...
1. You eat dinner at 4:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.

[Xairbusdriver]

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his parents began to yell and scream, 'Where did you get that truck???!!!' He calmly told them, 'I bought it today.'

'With what money?' demanded his parents. They knew  what a Chevrolet Avalanche cost.

'Well,' said the boy, 'this one cost me just fifteen dollars.' So the parents began to yell even louder. 'Who would sell a truck like that for fifteen dollars?' they said.

'It was the lady up the street,' said the boy. I don't know her name, they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars.'

'Oh my Goodness!,' moaned the mother, 'she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next?  John, you go right up there and see what's going on.' So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

'Well,' she said, 'this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned  from a friend he had run off to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money. So I did.'

[Xairbusdriver]

Heard this today and thought of our own TS Grammar Police! Had also read today a commentary about "Grammar Nazi's" attacking Apple ( "Think different" and "The funnest" ), so it was so refreshing to hear about 'the other side!'

<Windows is shutting down by Clive James [read by Garrison Keillor>

[Texas Mac Man]

Humor For Lexophiles (Lovers Of Words):

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

The short clairvoyant who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist & a manicurist fought tooth and nail.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

A will is a dead giveaway.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft & I'll show you a flat minor.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France , resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

A calendar's days are numbered.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

When you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture: a jab well done.

AND; The man pried loose from a printing machine was depressed.

[kimmer]

QUOTE

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

[kbeartx]

Thanks for that compilation Tom.

I've see quite a few of those beef-ore, but many were new to me.

My fave is the first one about the approaching baseball growing larger....

KB

[Xairbusdriver]

Since I'm rather saddened by my stupidity lately (thread on that 'other' side), I went searching for some levity. All I had to do was read some recent email!

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card ... and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.

+ + + + + + + + + +

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."

Cabbie: "There's more.. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right"

Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank, he died and I married his widow."

[krissel]

[george]

From the London The Times.

Q: What's the difference between a banker and a pigeon?

A: A pigeon can still put down a deposit on a BMW