We need some Humor!!!

[Xairbusdriver]

I think your dictionary talks too much!

[RNKIII]

Oh, Oh.... is there a 'bite my tongue' smiley???


Bob K.   rnkiii

[sandbox]

A group of 40 years old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner.

Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen
restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts
and they can smoke without getting hassled.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the food there is
very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because they can eat there
in peace and quiet
 and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again
they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon
that they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is
wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they
discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that
they should meet at the Gasthof zum Lowen because that would be a great
idea since they have never been there before..

[Xairbusdriver]

This may need to be moved to the Tech side.

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder  than ever.

 Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

 To which she replied, "There certainly is!"




My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!"

Now, guess what OS she was using?

[Texas Mac Man]

Laughter is an Instant Vacation
http://www.thelaughtermovie.com/miami/

[Highmac]

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow!

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal along with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then, it was off to a movie - the latest Disney and what a fabulous adventure!

Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?" One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
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The moral of this story is: When a woman speaks and a man is actually listening, he will still get it wrong.

[Johanbgoot]

FOR THOSE WHO ENJOY THINKING A BIT and LANGUAGE
 

Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion..
If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia : the LAN down under.
Every calendar's days are numbered.
A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.                      
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis..
Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done..

[RHPConsult]

You've Got Mail

Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?"

"I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home, I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package, but no one was home. I'll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a thing!"

After apologizing, I got her parcel.

"Oh good!" she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages!"

"What is it?" I asked.

"My husband's new hearing aid."

[Xairbusdriver]

"What?!"

[jchuzi]

Speaking of hearing aids:

An 85-year-old man was hard of hearing and his family urged him to get a hearing aid. After much thought, he made an appointment with a doctor and received the hearing aid. At a follow-up appointment, the doctor asked, "How do your children like the hearing aid"?  He replied, "I haven't told them". When asked why he hadn't told them, he said, "I sit around listening to my kids talk about me and I've already changed my will three times".

[Xairbusdriver]

Why DRM doesn't work: <If you are a pirate, this is what you get...>

Another persons take: <The Brads - a comic about web design>

[RHPConsult]

Posted @ George's request . . .

These ought to make you feel better about your computer skills!

Tech  support:  What kind of computer do you have?   
Customer:  A white one...
_____________

Customer:    Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. 
Tech support:   Have you tried pushing the Button? 
Customer:    Yes, sure, it's really stuck. 
Tech  support:    That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. 
Customer:    No , wait a minute. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk.... Sorry...
_____________

Tech  support:  Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. 
Customer:   Your left or my left?
   _____________

Tech  support:    Good day. How may I help you? 
Male  customer:    Hello.... I can't print. 
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and.... 
Customer:   Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.
   _________

Customer:    Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print.. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. 
I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.
    _____________

Customer:   I have problems printing in red... 
Tech  support:    Do you have a color printer? 
Customer:    Aaaah.....................thank you.

_____________

Tech  support:    What's on your monitor now, ma'am? 
Customer:    A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
_____________

Customer:   My keyboard  is not working anymore. 
Tech  support:   Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? 
Customer:   No. I can't  get behind the computer. 
Tech  support:    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. 
Customer: OK! 
Tech support:   Did the  keyboard come with you? 
Customer:  Yes. 
Tech support:   That means the keyboard  is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? 
Customer:   Yes, there's another one here. Ah... That one does work.

   _____________

Tech  support:    Your password is the small letter 'a' as in  apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. 
Customer:   Is that 7 in capital letters ?
 _____________

Customer:   I can't get on the  Internet. 
Tech support:    Are you sure you used the right password? 
Customer:   Yes, I'm sure. I saw my  colleague do it. 
Tech  support:    Can you tell me what the password was? 
Customer:   Five dots.
 _____________

Tech  support:    What  anti-virus program do you use? 
Customer:   Netscape. 
Tech support:   That's not an anti-virus program 
Customer:   Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.
   _____________

Customer:     I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, 
but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
    _____________

Tech  support:    How may I help you? 
Customer:   I'm writing my first email. 
Tech  support:    OK, and what seems to be the problem? 
Customer:   Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?
_____________

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a  problem with her printer. 
Tech  support:   Are you running it under Windows? 
Customer:   'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle 
                  next to me is under a window, and his  printer is working fine.'

   _____________

And last, but not least...

Tech  support: 'Okay Bob, let's  press the Control and Escape keys at the same time. 
That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. 
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.' 
Customer:   I don't have a P. 
Tech  support:   On your keyboard, Bob. 
Customer:   What do you mean? 
Tech support:   'P'.....on  your keyboard, Bob. 
Customer:   I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

[kimmer]

Priceless, RHP, priceless.

[RHPConsult]

Credit, George.

He iSighted me just after midnight (PST) last night, after not being able to hang a URL. So I told him I'd be happy to post, so he could get about his day and I could begin my night!  

[kimmer]

QUOTE(RHPConsult @ Mar 10 2010, 10:34 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Credit, George.

Okay. Priceless, George, priceless.


Kim - who has never iSighted anyone in her life