We need some Humor!!!

[Highmac]

This one obviously originated in the US and has just appeared on a British forum. However, men the world over will empathise....  

A new special store just opened up in Manhattan. This store sells husbands. That's right - women can browse men from floors of choices.

Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing additional positive attributes... a nifty setup - with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?

So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

[krissel]

QUOTE(Highmac @ Aug 26 2010, 02:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

Actually the women were hoping that the last floor would have men that also didn't lie or cheat.  

[Highmac]

QUOTE(krissel @ Aug 26 2010, 10:07 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

QUOTE(Highmac @ Aug 26 2010, 02:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.

Actually the women were hoping that the last floor would have men that also didn't lie or cheat.  

We're already taken

[Highmac]

As a family we are trying to keep up with technology... so I bought my son an iPhone, my daughter an iPod and myself an iPad. I felt sorry for my wife so I bought her an iRon.

And that's when the fight started.....

[Xairbusdriver]

Being interested in flying (usually with aircraft), I found this both interesting and humorous:

QUOTE("an email")

Subject: Wayward Cessna
You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base.  They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.  The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again.  Once again, the Security Police surrounded the plane...only this time there was a man and a woman in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but you have to tell my wife where I spent last night !!!!

[jchuzi]

A related joke:

Sunday services were proceeding in a normal fashion in church when the Devil appeared in a huge puff of smoke. Everyone screamed and ran out except for one elderly man. Satan looked at him and asked, "Do you know who I am?" He calmly replied, "Yes, I do." Satan then asked, "Do you know that I could kill you with one flick of my finger?" The man said, without flinching, "Yes, I do." Satan then asked, "Why aren't you scared?"

The man's response: "You're nothing. I've been married to your sister for the last forty years."

[kimmer]

Pregnant Turkey

One year at Thanksgiving my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is my mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store. When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(s) back in the oven.

When it was time for dinner my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"  At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.

It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs!

[Highmac]

People who believe anything, like your sister, tend to get to an awful lot of places. In fact there's a book about them.
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You must have heard of Gullible's Travels.......

[Xairbusdriver]

Rocket Scientists Not as Smart as Originally Thought
<http://tinyurl.com/y7a38wz>

[jchuzi]

I already knew that rocket scientists were not necessarily the smartest people. I would publish the name of the most intelligent person on Earth but modesty prevents...  

[Highmac]

Message from a friend at the teaching end:

QUOTE

Sent to my mobile from school

‎"This is a test to see you get a text from school in case we need to use this system for a closure. If you don't get the text please let me know".

Anybody want a cowboy outfit for Christmas?

         

[krissel]

Neil, that reminds me of a VCR I bought years ago.  On the box was in big print, "Includes a video tape showing how to set up your new VCR".    

[Highmac]

And that, in turn, will remind all the Brits of Delboy's famous purchase of a "bargain" load of briefcases with combination locks.....

[jchuzi]

A man comes home from work and says to his wife, "Sit down and listen to me. I am the Man Of The House and from now on, my word is law. Tonight, you will cook a gourmet meal for me. After dinner, we will have sex, my way. Later, you will give me a massage. Tomorrow morning, who do you think is going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replies, "My best guess is the funeral director."

[kimmer]

STAPLER

Having served his time with the Marine Corps, a man became a school teacher and before school started he injured his back. He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't even noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took a stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

He had no trouble with discipline that year...