We need some Humor!!!

[jchuzi]

Three quips about the war between the sexes:

1. There will never be a winner in the war between the sexes because there is too much fraternization with the enemy.

2. When a man gives flowers to a woman for no reason, there's a reason...

3. Never feel guilty because you have thought ill of your wife. She has thought much worse of you.

[jchuzi]

Thoughts on becoming old:

I deeply regret all the mistakes that I made when I was young.

I regret even more the mistakes that I didn't make.  

[Jack W]

Two women were sitting next to each other in a bar.

After a while, one looked at the other and said, 'From listening to ya, I can't help but think you're from Ireland ..'

The other woman responded, proudly, 'I surely am!

The first one said, 'So am I! And where bouts in Ireland are ya from?'

The other woman answered, 'I'm from Dublin. '

The first one responded, 'So, am I!! And what street did ya live on in Dublin?'

The other woman said, 'A loovely little area in the west end; Warbury Street in the old central part of town.'

The first one said, 'Faith and begorrah, it's a small world! So did I! And what school did ya go to?'

The other woman answered, 'Well now, I went to Holy Heart of Mary.'

The first one got really excited then and said, 'So did I! So did I! What year did you graduate?'

The other woman answered, 'Well, now, let's see. I graduated in 1964.'The first woman exclaimed, 'Good Lord! I can hardly believe the luck of us winding up in the same pub tonight! Can you believe it? I graduated from Holy Heart of Mary in 1964 meself!'

About this time, a regular, Michael, walked into the bar, sat down and ordered a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walked over to Michael shaking his head and muttering, 'It's going to be a long night, Michael!'

Michael asked, 'And why's that, Brian?'

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Brian answered, 'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'

[Xairbusdriver]

People have virus', computers have bugs, so why not recognize the problems when other stuff goes 'nuts'?

<Microwave antenna malfunctions!>

[jchuzi]

This humor thread is getting too big. People post stuff at random and now it's too much. We should all exercise a bit of mirth control.  

[Xairbusdriver]

QUOTE

This humor thread is getting too big...We should all exercise a bit of mirth control.

I totally agree! Please practice safe posting!

note to Admins: What happened to the "pun" rejection code?!

[jchuzi]

I prefer to practice safe jests.  

[jchuzi]

And another one that Jim will "appreciate":

I may, finally, get a cell phone. I intend to use it only for emergencies so I don't need a smart phone. I'm also old enough to prefer actual conversation to typing a response. So, I guess that I'm a fan of oral text.  

[Xairbusdriver]

Where is your supervisor?

Who let you out of your room?!

[kimmer]

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another patient asked, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"

[Xairbusdriver]

I have recently found myself (where I last left myself, of course!) in need of a lawyer. I have made a choice from the innumerable population in our local area solely and completely on the contents of <this web page!> Well, there was one more persuading item (as was pointed out by one of our Admin), the guys name is "Mac"! Every computer and person I know of with that name is superior!

[kimmer]

No Worries

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.

The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.

Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.

With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."  

[kimmer]

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

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A group of Americans was traveling by tour bus through Switzerland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.

"These," she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"

[RNKIII]

Saw a great sign in the window of a cheese shop in Oslo today, and immediately thought of Messers. Jchusi and Xairbusdriver...  Enjoy gentlemen,    Or not.

"Sweet dreams are made of cheese,
But who am I to dis a Brie."

Bob K.   rnkiii



Apologies to Annie Lennox...

[jchuzi]