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Author Topic: We need some Humor!!!  (Read 468092 times)

Offline Xairbusdriver

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We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #915 on: July 01, 2014, 04:23:50 PM »
That's an awfully cheesy "joke"! I think it needs to age several more years, preferably in a out of site, dark, cool place. laughhard.gif
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
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And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline kimmer

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« Reply #916 on: July 05, 2014, 01:49:48 PM »
If chickens could choose any car at all to be given to them, they would choose a free Range Rover.
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Offline Xairbusdriver

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« Reply #917 on: July 05, 2014, 02:07:44 PM »
And just WHY should chickens be given a car?! There are thousand's of people who need cars! I think this is blatant discrimination of our species!!! rant.gif I'm going to call my Congressman... as soon as I can find one that is smart enough to answer a phone... and is not a chicken to stand up to attacks on... scram.gif
« Last Edit: July 06, 2014, 12:32:58 AM by Highmac »
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Xairbusdriver

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« Reply #918 on: July 10, 2014, 05:56:32 PM »
Got text of a Phishing email from RHP a couple of days ago. Might be on the lookout for this in your own mailboxes! eek2.gif
QUOTE
After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that travelled to Brazil.
 
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline kimmer

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« Reply #919 on: July 10, 2014, 08:15:22 PM »
QUOTE(Xairbusdriver @ Jul 10 2014, 03:56 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Got text of a Phishing email from RHP a couple of days ago. Might be on the lookout for this in your own mailboxes! eek2.gif
QUOTE
After Nigeria was eliminated from the world cup the Nigerian captain personally offered to refund all the expenses of fans that travelled to Brazil.
 
He said he just needs their bank details and pin numbers to complete the transactions.


Nooooooooo!!!! Now I have to put up with soccer humor?!?!?!?! tease.gif
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Offline Xairbusdriver

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« Reply #920 on: July 12, 2014, 05:46:42 PM »
How (not) to ship a package: <Preposterously Overpacked Camera Battery Shipped via DHL> This may help explain why they gave up being competitive in the US of A?
Corporate rule #1:"Eveything muss auf einer Palette sein!"
Efficiency expert:"Warum bekommen wir so wenige Pakete in einem Container?"
wallbash.gif
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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« Reply #921 on: July 13, 2014, 12:04:54 PM »
During World War II, an American soldier was captured by the Germans and sent to a POW camp. The commandant had a peculiar sense of humor and decided to force the prisoners to do a ridiculous task.

He lined them up and said, "I vill count to three und then you vill svay from side to side and say 'tick, tock'. Ein, zwei, drei, BEGIN!"

All the prisoners complied except that American soldier who, in the spirit of rebellion, said "tick, tick". The commandant heard him and screamed, "YOU IN ZE BACK! Ve have vays to make you tock".
« Last Edit: July 13, 2014, 03:14:50 PM by jchuzi »
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Jon

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Offline Highmac

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« Reply #922 on: July 13, 2014, 01:07:45 PM »
QUOTE(Xairbusdriver @ Jul 12 2014, 11:46 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Efficiency expert:"Warum bekommen wir so wenige Pakete in einem Container?"
wallbash.gif

I just got round to asking Google to translate it for me.....

laughhard.gif
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Neil
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Offline Xairbusdriver

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« Reply #923 on: July 13, 2014, 02:00:48 PM »
Here's an exercise for the "reader."
    Exercise 1
      1. Create a list of 10 - 12 languages (try to gather from as many different roots as possible)
      2. Enter a sentence in language 1 asking for a translation in the next language.
      3. Take the output from the previous step and ask for output in that language+1.
      4. Repeat step 3 until the last language is the original.
    Exercise 2
      Perform Exercise 1 using a different translation service at each repetition of step 3.
Can you recognize the original sentence?

For extra credit, instead of using the web, get 10 - 12 native speakers of the languages. Caution: Do not attempt this experiment in a pub! Especially with speakers from opponents in any recent soccer tournaments! eek2.gif laughhard.gif

Note to a certain TS member: "Groaner" is not a language! tongue.gif
« Last Edit: July 13, 2014, 02:02:12 PM by Xairbusdriver »
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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« Reply #924 on: July 13, 2014, 03:16:32 PM »
QUOTE(Xairbusdriver @ Jul 13 2014, 03:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Note to a certain TS member: "Groaner" is not a language! tongue.gif
I beg to disagree. I happen to be fluent in that language. I'm already considered a master of Pig Latin...
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Jon

macOS 11.7.10, iMac Retina 5K 27-inch, late 2014, 3.5 GHz Intel Core i5, 1 TB fusion drive, 16 GB RAM, Epson SureColor P700, Photoshop CC, Lightroom CC, MS Office 365

Offline Xairbusdriver

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« Reply #925 on: July 21, 2014, 09:57:18 AM »
From the local paper news media (honest!):
Ron Chestna was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
 
Ron replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
 
The officer asked, "Really? Who's giving that lecture at this time of night?"
 
Ron replied, "That would be my wife."
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline kimmer

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« Reply #926 on: July 24, 2014, 02:05:07 PM »
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals ........very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now ...
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Offline Xairbusdriver

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« Reply #927 on: July 24, 2014, 03:00:05 PM »
If we had one at TS, I'd send YOU to the principle's office!!! yes.gif rolleyes.gif

Now, don't do that, again!! nono.gif
« Last Edit: July 24, 2014, 03:00:30 PM by Xairbusdriver »
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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« Reply #928 on: July 24, 2014, 08:12:27 PM »
QUOTE(Xairbusdriver @ Jul 24 2014, 04:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If we had one at TS, I'd send YOU to the principle's office!!! yes.gif rolleyes.gif

Now, don't do that, again!! nono.gif
Jim, YOU should go to the principal's office. He might teach you the principles of spelling.  Thinking.gif
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Jon

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Offline kimmer

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« Reply #929 on: July 24, 2014, 08:42:50 PM »
QUOTE(jchuzi @ Jul 24 2014, 06:12 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
QUOTE(Xairbusdriver @ Jul 24 2014, 04:00 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
If we had one at TS, I'd send YOU to the principle's office!!! yes.gif rolleyes.gif

Now, don't do that, again!! nono.gif
Jim, YOU should go to the principal's office. He might teach you the principles of spelling.  Thinking.gif

 Tickled.gif tease.gif laughhard.gif
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