Author Topic: We need some Humor!!!  (Read 951272 times)

Offline Gregg

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« Reply #45 on: March 31, 2007, 09:09:08 AM »
Jane, at least they didn't name him, um, er... Richard!

Dick, (yes, order is important) would you believe that a local prosecutor who is now running for Judge is named Chris Legal? It's true!

In a paper the other day, a gentleman by the name of Olaf Olafson was quoted. I wondered, shouldn't it be Olaf Olafson, Jr. ???
Ya gotta applaud those bunnies for sacrificing their hearing just so some guy in Cupertino can have better TV reception.

Offline jcarter

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« Reply #46 on: March 31, 2007, 09:37:51 AM »
And the kid in my daughter's class, Denim Lee.
And the kid that my college friend has for a grandson, Blue Waters. Maybe he will grow up to be better guitar player than Muddy Waters(McKinley Morganfield was his real name).
I still get a kick out of this site,
http://www.babynamewizard.com/namevoyager/lnv0105.html
Jane

Offline dolphin

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« Reply #47 on: March 31, 2007, 10:10:24 AM »
When I was in the Air Force and stationed at Eglin AFB, Florida. The Deputy Commander for Maintenance was named Colonel Blake. His Senior Enlisted Advisor's first name was Colonel. It always seemed a bit strange when I saw correspondence signed by him as Chief Master Seargeant Colonel Witten.
"If it aint broke; don't fixit"
Roy

Offline dolphin

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« Reply #48 on: April 01, 2007, 03:38:02 AM »
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, We have been learning
how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a
higher power.  Can anybody tell me what it is?"  One child blurted out,
"Aces!"
"If it aint broke; don't fixit"
Roy

Offline gunug

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« Reply #49 on: April 01, 2007, 03:52:03 AM »
This is one a coworker sent me after I referred someone to him that had troubles implementing a webcam:



http://www.geekculture.com/joyoftech/joyarchives/941.html

When I tracked that one back I went to some of the older one's and found this one particularly neat:



http://www.geekculture.com/joyoftech/joyarchives/938.html

I would entirely spring for the Steve Jobs Rabbit Ears!   smile.gif

I honestly can't read most of the stuff the rest of you guys have posted without thinking of my father (now gone) who would send me that kind of stuff on a regular basis.  People (kids for the most part) would whisper jokes to him at church:

Q. How did the farmer know how many cows he had after he got back from the sale barn?
A. He used a cowculator.

Q. What do you call a pig that does karate?
A. A pork chop.

Q. Why do elephants paint their toenail's red?
A. To hide in cherry trees.
Q. How did Tarzan die?
A. Picking cherries.

Q. Why did the man with one hand walk across the road?
A. To get to the second hand shop.

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Banana
Banana who?
Knock, knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Knock, knock
Who's there?
Police
Police who?
Police stop telling these knock, knock jokes.
« Last Edit: April 01, 2007, 04:17:35 AM by gunug »
"If there really is no beer in heaven then maybe at least the
computers will work all of the time!"

Offline dolphin

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« Reply #50 on: April 01, 2007, 11:30:57 AM »
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co- worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."
The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he
replies sheepishly.
His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his
curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been
wearing  one?"
 

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."
"If it aint broke; don't fixit"
Roy

Offline Gregg

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« Reply #51 on: April 01, 2007, 03:29:30 PM »
QUOTE(gunug @ Apr 1 2007, 02:52 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I would entirely spring for the Steve Jobs Rabbit Ears!   smile.gif


Me too!
Ya gotta applaud those bunnies for sacrificing their hearing just so some guy in Cupertino can have better TV reception.

Offline gunug

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« Reply #52 on: April 01, 2007, 06:11:06 PM »
QUOTE
Me too!


It must be a guilty pleasure of many MAC users!   smile.gif
"If there really is no beer in heaven then maybe at least the
computers will work all of the time!"

Offline dolphin

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« Reply #53 on: April 02, 2007, 04:57:25 PM »
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, that were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved. The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman. The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!" The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is god?" The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is god?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?" At that the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home slamming himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?" The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it"
"If it aint broke; don't fixit"
Roy

Offline dolphin

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« Reply #54 on: April 02, 2007, 10:49:22 PM »
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to
her brother in another part of the country.  "Is there anything
breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
The lady replied "Only the Ten Commandments".
« Last Edit: April 02, 2007, 10:49:43 PM by dolphin »
"If it aint broke; don't fixit"
Roy

Offline Gregg

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« Reply #55 on: April 03, 2007, 06:56:43 AM »
Hey Lorraine....

Do you know how many psychologists it takes to change a light bulb?

...

...

...

Only one, but the light bulb really has to want to change!

bump.gif
Ya gotta applaud those bunnies for sacrificing their hearing just so some guy in Cupertino can have better TV reception.

Offline kimmer

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« Reply #56 on: April 03, 2007, 11:03:58 PM »
Bathtub

It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"



"DID YOU PASS OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

Offline Gregg

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« Reply #57 on: April 04, 2007, 07:32:27 AM »
Next: the one about five year olds figuring out how to put an elephant in a refrigerator...
Ya gotta applaud those bunnies for sacrificing their hearing just so some guy in Cupertino can have better TV reception.

Offline Gregg

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« Reply #58 on: April 05, 2007, 07:14:22 AM »
Subject: Talking Dog
A guy is driving around Arizona and he sees a sign in front of a
house:
Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the back yard. The guy goes into the back yard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.
 "You talk?" he asks.
 "Yep," the Lab replies.
 "So, what's your story?"

 The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running."

 "But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters & listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wantsfor the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.
"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff."
Ya gotta applaud those bunnies for sacrificing their hearing just so some guy in Cupertino can have better TV reception.

Offline kcourt

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« Reply #59 on: April 05, 2007, 12:29:32 PM »
This is a great thread - I had a lot of laughs! eusa_dance.gif

Love the talking dog! wub.gif

 thanx.gif everyone!

Kathy  flower-smilie.gif
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly....
Leave the rest to God