Retirement!!
A lady related to us that she watched her newly retired husband rearrange the contents of all her kitchen shelves.
"Didn't you try and stop him?" one of her friends asked her.
"No," the lady said calmly. "I just waited until he was through. Then I went down to the basement and rearranged all his tools."
*****
Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one.
'Me, too" said the second. "let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground full of worms. They ate, and ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more.
"I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree", said the first one.
"Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun", said the second one.
“O.K" said the first. They plopped down, basking in the sun.
No sooner had they fallen asleep , a big fat tom cat snuck up and gobbled them all up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, " I love baskin' robins."
*****
A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everyone's attention. "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?" he asks.
"What's he look like?" asks one shoddy-looking cowboy.
"Well", replies the Sheriff, "he wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket."
"So what's he wanted for?" asks the same cowboy.
"Rustlin'."
*****
It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite. He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not to far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.
The old man couldn't believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one. This went on and on until finally the old man couldn't take it any more since he hadn't caught a thing all this time. He went to the boy and said, "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?"
The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm."
"What was that?" the old man asked.
Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm."
"Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you are saying."
So, the boy spit a glob into his hand and said, "You have to
keep the worms warm!"
*****
Cleaning out the aviary at a run-down zoo, the keeper finds two finches have dropped dead from old age.
In the monkey cage he discovers two of the oldest chimps have also kicked the bucket.
Waste not want not, so he puts them in a sack with the finches and later tosses them in the lion's cage at feeding time.
"Darn," roars the lion, "not finch and chimps again."
Rim Shot!
