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Author Topic: We need some Humor!!!  (Read 467963 times)

Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1605 on: February 02, 2022, 11:53:45 AM »
Quote from: According to the weather prognosticating groundhog, during the 136th celebration of Groundhog Day on Gobbler’s Knob in Punxsutawney, Pa.
Six more weeks of winter it is, folks.
:snowman: :Hurt:
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1606 on: February 02, 2022, 01:41:57 PM »
Maybe Phil can answer the age-old question: How much would would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
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Jon

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Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1607 on: February 27, 2022, 01:59:16 PM »
For those who are concerned about COVID, you should take the Home Covid Test
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Jon

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Offline Highmac

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1608 on: March 20, 2022, 11:19:22 AM »
One teacher was always late for classes. So the kids called him "Mister Bus"




 :doh:

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Neil
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Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1609 on: March 20, 2022, 11:31:41 AM »
In a similar vein (and this is a true story), I had a professor who always lectured in a soft monotone. The students gave him a military ranking: General Anesthesia.
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Jon

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Offline jwboyd

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1610 on: March 20, 2022, 07:42:42 PM »
A student told her professor, "If I were drowning, I would want you to come to my rescue."
Prof replied, "Why me?"
Student: "Because you can go down deeper, and stay down longer, and come up drier than anyone else I know!"
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I'm not a complete idiot -- a few parts are missing!

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1611 on: April 18, 2022, 08:59:23 AM »
For classical music fans, see Duet for Two Cats (attributed to Rossini) There are no subtitles, but a lack of knowledge of Italian is not a hindrance.
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Jon

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Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1612 on: April 18, 2022, 07:58:55 PM »
TL;DL*
If they didn't include some "hissssssing", the piece is another "unfinished" score.



*Not to be confused with TL;DR.
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1613 on: April 19, 2022, 06:46:05 AM »
Quote from: Xairbusdriver on April 18, 2022, 07:58:55 PM
TL;DL*
If they didn't include some "hissssssing", the piece is another "unfinished" score.



*Not to be confused with TL;DR.
What is TL;DL? Considering that I don't know, I certainly did not confuse it with TL;DR.  :confused:
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Jon

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Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1614 on: April 19, 2022, 08:50:25 AM »
Too Long; Didn't Listen, as opposed to Didn't Read. The "acronym" is often used in a review/comment of a long article that the later poster has never finished reading/viewing. Nevertheless, comments about the subject of the article are made with all gravity and knowledge. Something like a "news" report on some "news" networks that are equally useless to truth and information. :wallbash:

By the way, why do female opera performers always wear low cut but long skirted dresses? Do the ladies always have a very 'high-society' coming out party before every performance?! They must spend a fortune on dresses alone, not to mention hair dressers! :dntknw:
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1615 on: May 16, 2022, 09:43:24 AM »
THIS IS HOW BAD INFLATION IS:
 
My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
 
CEOs are now playing miniature golf.
 
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
 
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.
 
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
 
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.
 
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
 
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.
 
A picture is now only worth 200 words.
 
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.
 
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.
 
Called to get Blue Book Value on my car. They asked if gas tank was full or empty.
 
And finally...
 
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Afghanistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
 
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Jon

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Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1616 on: June 22, 2022, 08:41:28 AM »
My wife just saw this warning on FaceTwat:
Quote
Remember to drink lots of fluids and stay inside from 11am until December 2.
:laughhard: :coolio:
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline Highmac

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1617 on: July 11, 2022, 06:17:05 AM »
Penguin walks into a pub and asks for a pint of best. The penguin takes a gulp and turns to the barman... "Has my brother come in?"

Barman thinks for a moment and says: "Dunno, mate... what does he look like?"
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Neil
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Offline Xairbusdriver

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1618 on: July 11, 2022, 08:15:59 AM »
I'll keep an eye out for him... but that sounds painful!!  :blink:
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THERE ARE TWO TYPES OF COUNTRIES
Those that use metric = #1 Measurement system
And the United States = The Banana system
CAUTION! Childhood vaccinations cause adults! :yes:

Offline jchuzi

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Re: We need some Humor!!!
« Reply #1619 on: July 11, 2022, 12:04:35 PM »
A homeowner hires a plumber to do some work. The plumber takes 30 minutes and then presents a bill for $300. The homeowner takes offense and says, "I'm a lawyer and I don't make that kind of money for a half hour's work!"

The plumber responds, "I didn't either when I was a lawyer."
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Jon

macOS 11.7.10, iMac Retina 5K 27-inch, late 2014, 3.5 GHz Intel Core i5, 1 TB fusion drive, 16 GB RAM, Epson SureColor P700, Photoshop CC, Lightroom CC, MS Office 365
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