Author Topic: Sunday Funny  (Read 2247 times)

Offline jepinto

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Sunday Funny
« on: July 13, 2003, 01:37:59 PM »
"As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

If an older woman doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.  

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her or what she's doing.  

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.  

Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.  

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends.  A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. An older woman couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.  

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.  

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.  

 
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.  

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.  


Ladies, I apologize."-ANDY ROONEY
Do not fear your enemies.  The worse they can do is kill you.  Do not fear friends.  At worst, they may betray you.
Fear those who do not care; they neither kill nor betray, but betrayal and murder exist because of their silent consent.
~Bruno Jasienski~

Offline Bernie

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Sunday Funny
« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2003, 03:17:00 PM »
And Ya Women have the Nerve to live longer then us Men wallbash.gif  mad.gif
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Offline Gregg

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« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2003, 07:43:25 AM »
The only other thing that seems to get better with age is wine.  smile.gif
Ya gotta applaud those bunnies for sacrificing their hearing just so some guy in Cupertino can have better TV reception.

Offline jepinto

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« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2003, 10:34:43 AM »
A blonde girl enters a store that sells curtains.  She tells the salesman: "I would like to buy a pink curtain in the size of my computer screen".

 The surprised salesman replies:  "But, madam, computers do not have curtains"!!!....

 And the blonde said:







 "Helloooo....  I've got Windows"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do not fear your enemies.  The worse they can do is kill you.  Do not fear friends.  At worst, they may betray you.
Fear those who do not care; they neither kill nor betray, but betrayal and murder exist because of their silent consent.
~Bruno Jasienski~

Offline krissel

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« Reply #4 on: July 15, 2003, 02:47:08 AM »
QUOTE(Gregg @ Jul 14 2003, 8:43 AM)
The only other thing that seems to get better with age is wine.  smile.gif

Ah, but you forget it eventually becomes vinegar.

 tongue.gif
« Last Edit: July 15, 2003, 02:48:25 AM by krissel »


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Offline Highmac

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« Reply #5 on: July 15, 2003, 06:34:39 AM »
QUOTE
Ah, but you forget it eventually becomes vinegar.


But haven't you met a few women like that?   biggrin.gif
Neil
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Offline Diana

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Sunday Funny
« Reply #6 on: July 15, 2003, 09:22:16 AM »
Boudreaux and the Water Moccasin
 
Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day an he done run outa night
crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wit a big frog
in his mout. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like frogs so he decided to
steal dat froggie.
   
Dat snake, he be a cotton moufed water moccasin so he had to be real
careful or he'd get bit. He snuk up behine de snake and grabbed him roun
de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrapped
hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to get hisself free.  
But Boudreaux, him, had a real good grip on his haid, yeh. Well,
Boudreaux pried his mout open and got de frog and puts it in his bait
can. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or his gonna
bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his
bib overhauls and pulls out a pint a moonshine likker. He pour some
draps into desnakes mout.  Well, dat snake's eyeballs roll back in his
haid and his body go   limp. Wit dat Boudreaux toss's dat snake into de
bayou. Den he goes back to fishin.
   
A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin on his barefoot toe.  He
slowly look down and dare dat water moccasin was, with two frogs in his
mout.
Diana
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Offline etaoin

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« Reply #7 on: July 15, 2003, 02:50:56 PM »
Here's what Benjamin Franklin had to say regarding older women:

On the Choice of a Mistress

by Ben Franklin

[he recommends choosing an older, not necessarily pretty wife]

1. Because they have more Knowledge of the world, and their Minds are better stored with Observations; their Conversation is more improving, and more lastingly agreeable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of utility. They learn to do a thousand Services, small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of children, which irregularly procured may be attended with much inconvenience.

4. Because through more Experience they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your reputation; and with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclined to excuse an old Woman, who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his manners by her good Councils, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first inthe highest Part. The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower parts continuing to the last as plump as ever; so that covering all above with a Basket, and reggarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the Dark all Cats are gray, the Pleasure of Corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal and frequently superior; every Knack being by Practice capable of improvement.

6. Because the sin is less. The Debouching of a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend making an old Woman happy.

8th & lastly. They are so grateful!!!"