We need some Humor!!!

[Xairbusdriver]

Speaking of odd ones... How're ya doin' Jon?

[jchuzi]

I'm fine, Jim. Since you mentioned odds, that reminds me of the time that a psychologist and a proctologist decided to open a joint practice. They mulled over names for it, considering "Nuts and Butts", or "Queers and Rears", but they finally settled on "Odds and Ends".

[Xairbusdriver]

I couldn't get a corona test yesterday but they had a special on testing for patience, if I could wait a few hours.

I'm negative!

[jchuzi]

You should use this prayer: "Dear Lord, please grant me patience, and be quick about it!"

[Xairbusdriver]

Lern howe too spel!!

I'm ded.

"Submitting fake documents to prosecutors is always a bad idea, ...  failure to use spell check made this alleged fraud especially glaring."

Wrong choice for a 'comfort animal'?
...siblings Kevin and Carol — are now banned from a hotel in a tiny town in Australia's vast Outback.

[Xairbusdriver]

If you're a Rick Steves' fan, I recommend his latest book, For the Love of Europe. Of course, we (Americans) won't be able to actually visit most countries for a while, we'll have to wait for the virus to "just disappear one day". Before the book was released, Mr. Steves requested some "No-Travel Tips" from folks. Here are a few of my favorites:

• K.C. Goodman
  Gather all the little toys and trinkets in your house. Follow your housemates around showing off each toy while shouting “One euro one euro one euro!”
• A.K. Barry
  Wash all your unmentionables in the sink and then drape them over every possible bit of furniture in the bedroom.
• G. Benner
  Use suitcases for dirty laundry instead of a hamper. Then it is just like unpacking from vacation for every single load!
• L.T. Winn
  Tell everyone else in the house to pretend they don’t speak English and talk slowly and loudly to them.
• M. Brouwer
  Refuse to acknowledge anyone until they say, “Bonjour Madame.”
• D.D. Fleenor
  When you do get that occasional trip out, wear your money belt. To pay for things, pull up your shirt and dig out your money.
• R. Aina
  Stand in your linen closet with a suitcase and pretend you’re in a classic old European hotel lift.
• M.L. Moore
  Place your La-Z-Boy in front of your partner’s favorite chair then recline it all the way back as if on an airplane.
• E. Reilly
  Serve your housemates tepid water, and say you'll be right back. Return three hours later and ask if they would like some bread.
• M.L. Nichols
  Give your partner a random flower or sprig of rosemary and then yell at them when they don’t pay for it.
• J. Kraft
  Get up at 4 AM and set your suitcases outside the door.
• A. Darbo
  Drink your milk at room temperature. If you prefer it cold, have your roommate bring you one solitary cube of ice on a doily-lined saucer.
• L. Miller
  When someone does something wrong, wag your finger and say “Nein! Ist verboten!”

[Highmac]

Have you ever tried blindfold archery?




You don't know what you're missing..

[Xairbusdriver]

I needed to pick up a couple of prescriptions for SWMBO. As is normal, they asked if I had any questions. I assumed they meant ‘medical’ questions, so I asked if they had any Oleandrin. I knew from trying to stock up on Hydroxychloroquine that I should ask early to avoid the inevitable price gouging. They clerk didn’t even know what I was talking about! Although I have to admit that I often confuse those with whom I converse… The young lady returned with SWMBO’s prescriptions and said she had checked with the Pharmacist and they did not have any Oleandrin. I thanked her and just bought some d-Con. I know, it would have been cheaper at the Walmart, but I try to avoid ‘dense’ crowds.

[kimmer]

Airplane! is on my short list of the funniest movies ever made (I bought the DVD). The others, in no particular order, are Young Frankenstein, Some Like It Hot, The Princess Bride, The Great Race, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum, A Night At The Opera, and Duck Soup. I may have omitted some, but I definitely recommend these to aficionados of comedy.

Late to the party, but who cares, right?

I'll agree on  Some Like It Hot and The Princess Bride. I’ll add Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House, Arsenic and Old Lace, What’s Up, Doc? Bringing Up Baby, Monsters, Inc; and for TV shows nothing compares to Keeping Up Appearances with Patricia Routledge.

I actually have a long list of comedies that I enjoy, as well as my very long list of movies that I enjoy. I won't bore you with those.

[Xairbusdriver]

won't bore you with those.

Bore? BORE??!! Just hearing someone outside the house talking [writing] about ... anything(!) helps me to remember there is still life in progress!! The mailman has stared hiding down the street until I go back inside just to avoid my attempts at 'conversations'!

[jchuzi]

Having reached an age whereby I am slightly over the 3/4 century mark, I can say that I have learned many things. Among them:

1. Sense is not common.
2. Shortcuts take longer.
3. When Einstein concluded that human stupidity is infinite, he underestimated the size of infinity.

[kimmer]

won't bore you with those.

Bore? BORE??!! Just hearing someone outside the house talking [writing] about ... anything(!) helps me to remember there is still life in progress!! The mailman has stared hiding down the street until I go back inside just to avoid my attempts at 'conversations'!

Not much time to chat. I am busy sorting, trashing, packing. Moving date is set for 10/5.

[Highmac]

OK - back to the serious(??) stuff...

Never marry a tennis pro. Love means nothing to them.

Do you keep falling over for no apparent reason?  Call tripadvisor.......

[jchuzi]

Never trust an atom: they make up everything.

One atom said to another, "I think that I lost an electron." The second said, "Are you sure?" The first replied, "I'm positive."

[gunug]

This is from a Pogo group on Facebook but I thought it was funny!