We need some Humor!!!

[kimmer]

A teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his "1 to 10" well. "Yes! Of course! My pop taught me...even more than 10" "Good. What comes after three?” "Four," answers the boy. "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. Now... what comes after...lets say ten?" "A jack!"

[Xairbusdriver]

Kidskimmers say the funniest things!

Speaking of "kids"...
Here's a story on one in Minneapolis: 8-Year-Old Calls Out NPR For Lack Of Dinosaur Stories
There's a link to read the story, but I think the audio is better!

[jchuzi]

The current doings in the Senate have shown that politicians are superb athletes. They have to straddle the fence while keeping an ear to the ground and their nose to the grindstone.

[Xairbusdriver]

...while keeping their mind closed! 

[Xairbusdriver]

A question for all our Norwegian members (who will probably want to remain nameless):

What food has made you wonder, "How did our ancestors discover that this was edible?"
I'm Norwegian, pretty much our entire traditional kitchen is like that.
One particular highlight that makes a real head-scratcher, though, is Lutefisk.

Here's what you do to make some:
• Grab an appropriately sized, dried cod that you have lying around (as you do).

• Saw it in half, and leave the parts in freezing cold water for 5-6 days. Keep the cold water running so that it changes continuously, or add ice cubes if you can not. Add extra time if your cod happened to be extra large or extra dry.

• Soak this intermediate result in store-bought sodium hydroxide for two days, or make your own lye from ashes and water if you're old-school. Keep your chemistry experiment in a spacious pot, it will grow in size.

• Remove toxic residue by leaving the husk formerly known as fish under running water for 3-6 days, thereby rendering it remotely edible.

I can vaguely comprehend how a brave materials scientist might deduce from first principles that the outcome of this process may not be fatal, and could demonstrate that by eating it for show.

I can not understand how my plebeian ancestors thought it would be a great idea to drench an otherwise harmless dried fish in poison, just to check if it tastes better when you wash it off again.

Frankly, I don't even think it gets that much better, but apparently, some do.

Lord knows how they discovered it.

I yield my concerns for calf (or any other animal) livers...

"Organs are made for accompanying hymns, not for eating."

[krissel]

My Dad, son of Norwegian immigrants, loved Lutefisk. We never could understand it but we always bought him a few cans of the stuff when we went to the Nordic festival each year. It was his only stray from "normal" food.


 

[jchuzi]

When we were in Iceland, my wife and I found out about the Icelandic "delicacy" called rotten shark. A shark carcass is buried for about a year to allow it to "age", dug up, and then consumed. It is customarily washed down with the Icelandic rotgut called, appropriately, "black death".

We declined an invitation to try it.

[kimmer]

Why do pigs never recover from illness?
Because you have to kill them before you cure them!

What do you call a pig who's been arrested for dangerous driving?
A road hog!

What kind of things does a farmer talk about when he is milking cows?
Udder nonsense!

What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
Use a cowculator!

[Xairbusdriver]

Will you be promoted to first grade this May?

[Xairbusdriver]

Paddy, what's happening to butter in Canada?!

"Something is up with our butter supply, and I'm going to get to the bottom of it," cookbook author Julie Van Rosendaal tweeted

Perhaps the "Canadian butter magnates" are attempting to get Iowa to use a "foreign" 'golden' product at the State Fair this year? It seems "golden statues" are becoming more popular this year! Where is Charlton Heston when you need him?!

I can't make this stuff up fast enough!

[kimmer]

Never mind. I give up.

[jwboyd]

This will cause every English teacher to suffer hart panes!

[Xairbusdriver]

Mr. Boyd, I hearby award you the only thing worse than a bad pun certificate! I vote for a complete bane on you’re posts!!!

[Xairbusdriver]

OK, if we allow puns, surely we will allow first grader comments:

A 1st grade school teacher ... presented each child ... the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to [complete it].

• Don't change horses
  until they stop running.
• Strike while the
  bug is close.
• It's always darkest before
  Daylight Saving Time.
• Never underestimate the power of
  termites.
• Don't bite the hand that
  looks dirty.
• A miss is as good as a
  Mr.
• You can't teach an old dog new
  math.
• If you lie down with dogs, you'll
  stink in the morning
• The pen is mightier than the
  pigs.
• An idle mind is
  the best way to relax.
• Where there's smoke there's
  pollution.
• A penny saved is
  not much.
• Two's company, three's
  the Musketeers.
• Laugh and the worlds laughs with you, cry and
  you have to blow your nose.
• Children should be seen and not
  spanked or grounded.
• If at first you don't succeed
  get new batteries.
• You get out of something only what you
  see in the picture on the box.
• When the blind lead the blind
  et out of the way.
• A bird in the hand is
  going to poop on you.

[Texas Mac Man]

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.
From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. Needless to say, he tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began nagging him again.
Complain, nag, bitch, complain, nag, bitch; it just went on and on. All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet, caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in the gesture of no. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it afterwards.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said, "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."

"And what about the men?" the minister asked. "They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."