We need some Humor!!!

[Xairbusdriver]

OK, for something so totally stupid, you know it has to come from the left-coast and in one particularly peculiar city...which I shall not name out of respect for one of our senior founding members who lives not far (enough?) from that city's limits!

QUOTE

The city could become the first in the country to ban the sale of all pets (except fish), the San Francisco Chronicle reports.

Oops! Leave it to the free press to shout our secrets!!!

I think this paragraph describes the "thinking" behind such a ban, supposedly to protect "us" from ourselves?

QUOTE

People buy high-strung, nocturnal rodents because they're under the temporary impression that hamsters are cute and cuddly. But the new owners quickly learn that hamster are, in fact, prone to biting, gnawing through expensive wiring and maniacally racing on their exercise wheels at 2 a.m.

To which, a commenter replies:

QUOTE(Julien Couvreur (Dumky))

People have babies because they're under the temporary impression that babies are cute and cuddly. But the new parents quickly learn that babies are, in fact, prone crying frantically at 2 a.m., not doing as they're told and messing your place up. And that's not even counting for puberty. Many parents eventually have to release the young adults before things start improving again.

[george]

Kids Are Quick


TEACHER:    Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA:     Here it is.
TEACHER:    Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS:          Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER:  John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER:  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN:          K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER:   No, that's wrong
GLENN:          Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
_____________________________________ ` _______

TEACHER:  Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD:      H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER:   What are you talking about?
DONALD:      Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE:        Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER:   Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN:         Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER:     Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘I’
MILLIE:            I is...
TEACHER:     No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE:            All right...   'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'      
________________________________

TEACHER:    George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS:           Because George still had the axe in his hand.    
______________________________________

TEACHER:  Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON:         No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER:     Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE:        No, sir. It's the same dog...
___________________________________

TEACHER:   Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD:   A teacher
        __________________________________


PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL’S MEDICINE!!    
 

[RHPConsult]

 Ed. Note: This is posted at George 's request . . . he has a long-standing interest in the wild, wild West. This qualifies!

• • • • •

Read the Caption on the first photo BEFORE scrolling down to the second photo.


Oh yes, and don't forget to count your blessings

[attachment=1917:Flagstaff_Nr_1.jpg]

Just outside Flagstaff, AZ, on U.S. Hwy 100.

Look at this picture and you can see where this driver broke through the guardrail, on the right side of the culvert, where the people are standing on the road, pointing. The pick-up was traveling about 75 mph from right to left when it crashed through the guardrail. Its 22-year-old driver and his 18-year-old passenger were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.

The vehicle flipped end-over-end, bounced off and across the culvert outlet, and landed right side up on the left side of the culvert, facing the opposite direction from which it had been traveling.

Now, for the rest of the story . . . in pic Nr. 2

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[attachment=1916:Flagstaff_Nr_2.jpg]

If this guy didn't believe in God before these events, do you suppose he believes now?    

[Xairbusdriver]

QUOTE

...Its 22-year-old driver and his 18-year-old passenger were unhurt except for minor cuts and bruises.

And in need of a change of underwear?

OTOH, what idiot built a road that close to a
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culvert?!!!

BTW, that second image has been compressed, width-wise, which gives the impression of an increased depth to the 'hole.' Assuming it is not a 'photoshopped' image, it is probably still deep enough to cause severe headaches to anything that lives through a fall to the bottom.

[kimmer]

QUOTE(Xairbusdriver @ Jul 22 2010, 01:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>

BTW, that second image has been compressed, width-wise, which gives the impression of an increased depth to the 'hole.' Assuming it is not a 'photoshopped' image, it is probably still deep enough to cause severe headaches to anything that lives through a fall to the bottom.

Not photoshopped; but took place on State Route 59 near Hurricane City, Utah (not Flagstaff, AZ, on U.S. Hwy 100).

http://www.snopes.com/photos/accident/culvert.asp

[RHPConsult]

Dangerous Assumption: "Oh I don't have to check this with Snopes, the "evidence" is right there." Not exactly.

That "mining" environment does seem more consistent with Utah.

One thing that's probably true, Snopes or not: a "change of underwear" was called for.

I made a horseback estimate that the "cliff" was about 300 ft in heieght.

[Texas Mac Man]

How dinosaurs became extinct...first senior moment

[krissel]

What I find even more astounding regarding those pics of the car crash, is the insanity of the rescue workers standing so close to the edge!  


Funny, Tom.  

[RHPConsult]

Kris:

I can hardly wait for your first trip to the Great SouthWest and your report on sightseeing at the Grand Canyon from this vantage point . . .

Whoopee . . . just like Jersey . . . not!

[Xairbusdriver]

That's been advertised and mentioned many places, but I've not yet experienced it. I have a daughter-in-law who I doubt ever will; she still holds her breath and closes her eyes when driving on the bridge over the Mighty Muddy. That's about a mile and a half of closed-eyed driving. Fortunately, she drives very fast, so there's no chance of her blacking out from the lack of breathing...

[RHPConsult]

The Awesome Power of a Wife's Love:


A very old man lay dying  in his bed. At death's door, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs. 

He gathered his  remaining strength and lifted himself from the  bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made  his way out of the bedroom, and with even  greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both  hands.  



With labored breath, he  leaned against the door frame, gazing into the  kitchen. Were it not for death's agony, he would  have thought himself already in  heaven.  

There, spread out on  newspapers on the kitchen table were literally  hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.  

Was  it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic  love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he  left this world a happy man? 

Mustering one great  final effort, he threw himself toward the table. 

His aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when  he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. 



"Stay out of those," she said. "They're for the funeral”. 

[Xairbusdriver]

For some reason, I always read that last line with a heavy Irish brogue! Or maybe Cockney?

[kimmer]

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

[Xairbusdriver]

Well! Who was at the door?!!!

This is the basic problem with a women trying to tell a joke!

[Xairbusdriver]

While I despise the abuse of alcohol, I found this amusing, even if not true...

QUOTE

One night at Cheers, Cliff Calvin explained the" Buffalo Theory" to
his buddy Norm:

"Well, ya see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only
move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted,
it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed
first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole,
because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps
improving by the regular killing of the weakest members! ; In much
the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the
slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills
brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest
brain cells first.. In this way, regular consumption of beer
eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and
more efficient machine! That's why you always feel smarter after a
few beers."